Tag: meditation

Change Is The Only Constant

I am sure you have heard the famous line from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus: Change Is The Only Constant. Some people embrace change and some people tend to resist it. Today, let’s talk about how to navigate change without affecting our minds!

Have you ever heard the term managed growth? This used to be in fashion ten or so years ago and everyone and their brother used to throw the term around. In my experience, there is no such thing as managed growth. Either you grow or you shrink. There is nothing wrong with shrinking if that is what you want but to think that you can stay constant without growing or falling back is just a fantasy. Let’s talk about a couple of real-life examples.

Let’s start with corporate America. If you have followed IBM, you will notice that IBM has a history of struggles in the past 25 years. There challenge is to stay relevant in a constantly changing environment. They had CEOs who thought they can manage the company with what they were offering and just be at a certain level and keep the business going. It sure did not work and they had some spectacular declines. Then they had some CEOs who saw the landscape around them changing and embrace that change and transformed the company. Some companies adopt and some don’t. Look at Circuit City and Best Buy. Two chains with similar offerings, one is history and one is still relevant.

Now, this is just an example in the corporate world. The same is true in other areas of society and even in our personal lives. Change does not mean financial change either. Change to me is growth. I am sure all of us have changed from where we were 10 or 20 years ago. That is a good thing. We are better for it. It sure does not seem like it though when we are going through those changes. So how do we handle stress and anxiety that may flare up due to change?

First, let’s look at what brings that stress with change. As human beings, we are wired towards the status quo. Our mind interprets change as a threat. That begins this fight, flight, or freeze response in your system. Our system thinks it is protecting us from the change! The reason for this is that the pain of loss is usually a lot greater than the pleasure of gain. So if your pain of loss is x times higher than whatever pleasure you are going to get, why take that chance? This is the real dilemma. This is what brings stress with change. A Harvard Business Review article (https://hbr.org/2012/09/ten-reasons-people-resist-chang) outlined why people resist change. These reasons include Loss of Control, Excess Uncertainty, Concerns About Competence, Ripple Effects, Past Resistance among others. If you break this down, it all boils down to just one thing. Fear of failure. More specifically, the pain that comes from that failure.

So how do we handle this stress-induced change and more importantly embrace the change? First, let’s talk about handling stress that is caused by change. The first thing to do is to make sure that we understand the consequences of change. Often, we are stressing out because we are not prepared for change. If we look at the change in a rational way and see it through all its implications, we will be able to break down what preparations we need to make for different potential outcomes of change. Once we have clear ideas as to what can happen and how we may handle it, 90% of the stress goes away. Now, we are ready for that change. I had an interesting discussion with board members of a non-profit I am involved in. We have been growing like weeds in the past three years. Some members of the board are frightened by that growth. They think this growth will change the organization and I was trying to argue that it does and it will change the organization for the better. I tried to explain how big an impact we were making and that we needed to prepare for this and take certain actions now so that we are not caught off guard. You see some people like the status quo. Taking action means making decisions and bringing in change. They are just not ready for it. Maybe someday they will be but hopefully, it is not too late because if you don’t grow, you might end up shrinking.

So how do we embrace that change? We must look at what that change brings. What kind of positive outcome may be associated with the change. We also need to look at the negative outcomes of not embracing change. Once we are clear on this, oftentimes, change actually invigorates us rather than brings stress. Hope this makes some sense and you all look at it rationally next time you are confronted with change.

Luck of the Draw

Last week we discussed victim mindset and how we should avoid blaming others for things that may be happening in our lives. Today, I want to take this one step further and examine, why things happen in our lives the way they do. We all have certain tendencies that keep us in this loop of a specific pattern. Two people trying the same thing and coming out with a different result. I call this Luck of the Draw. Let’s dig deeper.

Although our tendencies are what keeps us in a pattern, have you ever thought about what creates those tendencies within us? We are all predisposed to certain thought patterns, actions, and behavior. It all comes down to our Karma. Our karma influences our thoughts and creates tendencies that put us in these patterns whether positive or negative.

Let me give you an example. There was this famous Indian Buddhist monk named Atisha. He was one of the most recognized scholars of his time. The king of Tibet at the time decided to invite him to teach his people. Atisha happily accepted and went to Tibet. He brought a cook with him. Now Atisha’s cook was known for his bad temper. He was impolite and otherwise rude to Atisha. He would cook the food and then would ask Atisha to eat if he wanted to and would not care if the food was tasty or not. The Tibetan people were watching this drama for a few weeks. Finally, one of them could not resist. He went to Atisha and said, you know, we have good cooks here in Tibet and we are happy to lend you a couple of cooks. Why are putting up with this nonsense from your cook? Atisha had a brilliant answer. He told them he create certain karma that put him in this position and that reminds him that he needed to learn patience. His cook was both allowing him to work out his karma and teaching him how to be tolerant!

You see, all of us are put in certain situations based on our karma and we must accept that and make the best out of our situations. Warren Buffet calls this the Ovarian Lottery. Your fate in this world is decided by where you are born. If you happen to be born in a first-world country, your life will turn out one way versus if you are born in a poor country. This is karma.

So how do we get out of the karmic tendencies we have? The answer is really simple. By being mindful of every decision and every thought, you are breaking that cycle of tendency. So how do we become mindful? The first thing to do is to recognize what type of tendencies we have developed over the years. For example, some of us may tend to get into a negative thought process about someone or something, someone else may tend to make nonbeneficial decisions such as gambling, etc. Once we recognize the type of negative tendency that always ends up hurting us in the end, we can then begin to address this. One thing to be careful of here is not to take on all of our negative tendencies at once. That can get overwhelming. So let’s just focus on one tendency that we can begin to break.

Once we have identified this tendency, mindfulness will help us break the trend. We need to be mindful about when the thought or action related to that tendency begins to creep in. If we are mindfully watching when it does, we will begin to remind ourselves why we want to break that tendency. Initially, it may be difficult to break the habit and you may snap right back into it. That is perfectly OK. In my experience every three or five times you are successful at breaking that tendency, you will fall right back in once. So we start again. After a few cycles, the gap between relapse increases. Now you are not snapping back into your tendency for longer and before you know it, you have overcome this tendency.

So you see, we all have these karmic tendencies or habits. I call it luck of the draw. Our challenge is to not accept those as they are or to blame others for it but to learn to snap out of those karmic cycles. I encourage you to dig deep and identify one tendency you would like to break. It is not easy to identify but with enough introspection, you will be able to do it.

How much is enough?

I was a guest on the Mindful Fire podcast released today. So I thought it would be appropriate to talk about one question that kept coming back again and again on this podcast. Before we dig in a little about the podcast. Host of Mindful Fire Adam Coelho is a 10 year Google veteran and is passionate about financial independence and mindfulness. During our interview, he asked several times, how did I know I had enough when I decided to retire. So let’s dig into this age-old question How much is enough?

In our previous contentment discussion, we talked about how if you have food, clothing, shelter, and healthcare, you are luckier than 99.9% of the rest of the world. At times, it may not seem like that but think about it, how many people are struggling to put food on the table daily? What does that mean to be financially independent? If you are making more money than you did five or ten years ago, when do you believe you have reached a point where you have enough money without any worries for the future?

Wall Street has a formula for how much is enough. I am sure a lot of you know the classic 4% rule they have been preaching for the better part of four decades. It says that you should have 25 times your annual expenses tucked away in order to retire. Meaning, if you take a 4% annual withdrawal from your savings, based on average market returns will make sure that you outlast your money. Now, I have reservations about this formula because no two people are alike. If you own some rental real estate that is producing enough to cover your expenses, you may not need the 25 times your expenses. My point however is not about any formula. What I am here to argue is that it is a moving target. If you think about it, your expenses are much higher today than they were when you were just starting in the real world! As your income kept increasing, so did your lifestyle and expenses.

So let’s discuss how much is enough in the context of our expenses. We live in this consumption culture where everyone wants the next best thing that is being bombarded by advertisements and marketing experts. I remember, we used to use our mobile phones for three to four years on average. Now, these devices are being replaced annually or every two years at most. Does everyone need that iPhone 12? And it is just not about mobile phones. We used to live in a house for all our lives—that is where the 30-year mortgage was originated. Now people keep moving “up” every three to five years. our consumption culture is creating a lifestyle that has become so expensive that the majority of our households need two incomes to run a household. That has reduced family time and relaxation time for the entire society. We are the most tired nation on earth. Here is an interesting tidbit—people are so afraid to lose their jobs that they are checking emails on their vacation! So the first thing we need to do is reduce our consumption. That is good for us individually as well as the society as a whole—think about the resources we will save. Once we curtail our consumption, obviously it will reduce our “number” for financial independence no matter what formula we use.

Another point I would like to make is that most people think that financial independence is that destination. They will reach that someday and their life will change! It is never like that. One thing I have often advocated is to “leg in” to your financial independence. If you think you are halfway there, for example, try making some changes in your life and begin to do what you would want to do during retirement. You never know what you may and may not enjoy. So don’t wait till that someday, begin living your life today!

The last thing I would say is that figure out your purpose. Because there is only so much golf one can play. If you are fortunate enough to reach that financial independence, you may get bored or even depressed if you don’t have a plan for it. The best way to avoid that is to make sure that you have a purpose for which you are passionate. Whatever that may be for you but it is important to figure that out before you call it quits. I may have said this before but start volunteering for your favorite cause. Just a couple of hours per week. You would be amazed what giving back does to our mental health.

Live Free or Die!

Live Free or Die! Have you heard that slogan for the US State of New Hampshire? People in New Hampshire are independent-minded have this libertarian streak if you will. They don’t want too much interference from the government in their lives. If you think about it, most of us want to live free. We want to be able to make our own decisions and do what we think is best for us.

But are we really living freely? Most times, we are tied to the so-called eight worldly winds: Pleasure & Pain, Gain & Loss, Praise & Blame, Fame & Disrepute. Think about it, almost every decision that we make is either to avoid the negative winds or to attract the positive winds. Let’s take pleasure and pain for example. We all want pleasure from any activity that we engage in. What we don’t realize is that pleasure is transitory. When the winds shift, pain replaces pleasure. What gives pleasure at the moment may inflict pain at some other time. I have often talked about the pizza example that is so appropriate here. Say you love pizza. Eating pizza gives you pleasure. But if you keep eating that pizza beyond your capacity, you will eventually throw up. The same pizza that brought pleasure can inflict pain. It is certainly not the pizza that gives us pleasure. Sadhguru always says that “pain and pleasure are within us”. It is so true. What does that mean you may ask? It means that the experience of pleasure and pain comes from our minds. It is our mind that interprets something to be pleasurable or painful. Pizza itself from its own side is neither pleasurable nor painful.

Let’s talk about the next set of worldly winds: gain and loss. If we get elated by gains, we will be hurt as much by the losses. As we all know, it is a cyclical world. What goes up must come down and if we are too excited when we are going up we will be really in pain when it comes down. My dad always says to remember there is always Sunday after Saturday. What does that mean? It means, not all days are going to be as comfortable as you are enjoying right now. Just be mindful and not get overly excited when things are going your way.

The next set of worldly winds are praise and blame. We all like when people praise us or our work. But with praise, we should be prepared for criticism also. If we are all pumped up when someone praises us, we will be equally disappointed when someone criticizes our work. It is natural to think that not everyone is going to praise us or our work. It is just not possible. Let’s make sure we stay even kill when praise comes our way and that will help us stay even kill when the blame is assigned to us.

The last set of worldly winds are fame and disrepute. Everyone wants to be famous in this social media culture of ours. We live by likes and dislikes on social media. But if the fame puts on top then we must be prepared for disrepute that may show up someday. In the age of social media, that is very easy, unfortunately. Remember that saying that goes the higher you climb, the deeper you drop? If the fame brings you on top of your world, the disrepute will drop you to the bottom.

Why do I talk about all this? This ties back to the equanimity discussion we had in the past. When the worldly winds of pleasure, gain, fame and praise are blowing our ways; we need to learn to be equanimous and not let that boost our ego too much. That will prevent us from falling hard when the winds shift towards pain, loss, disrepute, and blame. That is what is most important. If we can do that, we will be truly living free and not be slaves to worldly winds.

Reliance

Let’s talk about something called Reliance today. We come across a lot of people and information all day long. What should we rely upon to make our decisions? Let’s get into it.

The first so-called reliance is the phrase I am sure you have heard over and over again. Don’t kill the messenger. It is so true. We often get bog down into who brings the message rather than the message itself. Who brings the message has absolutely nothing to do with what the message is. We must rely on the message and not the messenger. I have seen this playing out in the corporate environment quite a bit. There are certain people who are resistant to an incoming CEO and whatever they say, for some reason is wrong because this person is an outsider if you will. In doing so they miss out on opportunities to work together as an organization and make forward progress towards pressing issues of the day. You see we all have these inherent biases against certain individuals or groups of people. Because of those biases, we tend to focus on the messenger as opposed to the message itself. This wrong reliance is detrimental to our own progress.

The next reliance is on the meaning. Rely on the meaning and not the words. This is a little difficult to understand so let’s break this down. Sometimes what the words are trying to tell you is hidden. What we call reading between the lines. What is not said out loud is more important than just the words. One can play with the words but what they are trying to tell us behind those words is more important. This is not an easy skill to develop for sure. This is where perception comes into play. Developing good perception is very important and for that, we need a clear mind. We must learn to develop perception. It takes a lifetime to develop this. Most people in my experience have difficulty reading between the lines. So hopefully all of you youngsters would learn to develop this. One way to develop this is to take in a diverse set of information. If you read or listen to all sides of an argument, you would be better able to develop perception. Unfortunately, we live in this conformation bias age where everyone has a limited number of sources of information and they all just confirm our inherent biases. The social media algorithms also contribute to this problem since they tend to display what you like and have no opposing viewpoint.

The next reliance is intention. This is very important. What we should rely upon is the intention of the speaker and not our own interpretation of what they are trying to tell us.

When we understand what it is the speaker intended to communicate, if we then continue to think about each word and expression, we will grasp the concept much faster. This is similar to getting conceptual knowledge before looking for a detailed understanding.

If we misinterpret what is said and then think of more words, we’ll never stop till we run out of thoughts, but all the while we’re only straying further and further from the meaning. Like children playing, we’ll only end up exhausted.

Even for a single word like “and” or “but”, when taken out of context, there’s no end to what it might mean. Yet if we understand what is meant, then with that the need for the word is finished. Remember the classic, it depends on what the meaning of the word “is” is? Sorry, I could not resist!

When it comes to the meaning, we should know what is provisional and what is definitive, and rely not on any provisional meaning, but only on the meaning that is true definitively. I refer to the example of Yudhisthir confirming that Ashwathama was indeed dead in the epic battle of Mahabharat. Here, Yudhisthir meant Ashwathama the elephant and not the warrior but people took his words literally on their own peril.