mindfulness – Page 9 – Meditative Man

Karma

We are going to start a series on Karma today. This is a very deep subject so I want to make sure we give enough attention to make sure we have a chance to really understand the subject matter. I am sure you have heard the phrase what goes around comes around. Or you reap what you sow. These are just reminders of how Karma works. Actually, Karma works in much more mysterious ways. But in general, virtuous Karma creates pleasant experiences and non-virtuous Karma creates unpleasant experiences. Let’s look at what is Karma. Karma is a body or speech action initiated by mental action. One cannot create Karma with just bodily action without a mental intention. For example, if I accidentally slap you when trying to get a bee out of your face, I do not create negative Karma since I did not have the intention to slap you. So every time we create a mental action, it leaves what is known as a Karmic imprint on our mind. Essentially, it leaves a potentiality in our minds. This potentiality ripens when the conditions are just right and we feel the effect of those Karma—negative or positive. How come we don’t see the effects of our Karma immediately you might ask? It is very simple. Let’s say you saw a seed in the soil. Now until there is rain, there are no conditions for that seed to ripen and become a plant. Just like that the conditions have to be right for the potentiality of our Karma to ripen.

Another thing to understand is that no two living beings have the exact same set of Karma. Each one of us has a different individual Karma that explains why each one of us has a unique set of experiences. The laws of Karma are why every individual has a unique mental disposition, unique physical appearance, and unique experience. You may notice that some people are prone to accidents or illness while others enjoy pleasant experiences. Some people are difficult to please and others are happy no matter the circumstances. Our acquaintances and relationships are also based on Karma. You may have noticed that you have a very close relationship with someone and after some time they almost disappear from your life. Your friendships end sometimes abruptly and you never talk again to that person. This is because of your karmic relationship with that person and once Karma is used up, there is no more bond. One of my relatives said it very matter of factly once. He used to have this friend with whom they will hang out twice a week. Over time, they drifted apart and stopped seeing each other. Once I was visiting with him and said I don’t see your friend anymore. He said, Raju, our Karmic bond must be over.

An important point to note is that Karma can ripen anytime. It is not necessary for one lifetime’s Karma to ripen in the same lifetime. In fact, often they don’t. This means Karma we have created may ripen if the appropriate circumstances and potentialities arise. That may explain why seemingly nice people sometimes end up suffering immense pain. There is also something called collective Karma. A group of people and their collective Karma ripen that creates external circumstances. For example, some places are always going through wars and atrocities that go along with them. Some places are prone to natural disasters and so on. This is why we need to make sure that we avoid negative or non-virtuous actions. If we understand the law of Karma, we will understand how we can control our future experiences. If we abandon negative Karma, we will eliminate miserable experiences and by practicing virtuous Karma, we will increase our potential for happiness. We must be mindful throughout the day to make sure that we are not creating negative Karma.

Courage

Have you ever had to show courage in the thick of adversity? I am sure you have. Although you may not feel like a particularly courageous person, all of us at one time or another have shown exemplary courage in our lives. So let’s look at what it takes to be courageous and how that helps us move forward in life.

When I looked up the definition of courage, it showed up as the ability to do something that frightens one. Meaning, to face one’s fear is to be courageous. Courage can come in many forms. It could be the courage to stand up for your principles or courage to take a risk or courage to get married and so on. We all have different fears and biases based on the circumstances in which we grew up. So why is it important to be courageous you may ask? Well, for starters, living a courageous life tends to lead one to happiness. How does that work? When you are displaying courage, you are usually trying out something you always wanted to but were afraid to do so. In that case, trying out something that you always wanted to do brings instant happiness no matter the outcome. And even if the outcome does not materialize the way you expected it to be, you will learn from that experience and that will allow you to try something different leading to happiness again! So you see it is kind of a self-fulfilling cycle if you will.

Now that we know it pays to be courageous, let’s figure out how to be more courageous. The first thing to do when you are facing a fear of a particular action is to look at the worst and best-case scenario. Try to imagine the worst case if you do take a particular action and the best case if you do take that particular action. When you visualize these, it does two things. First, it makes you aware of the upside of the decision if you do jump in. This way, you are able to weigh the pros and cons of both scenarios. Another thing it does is it quantifies the risk you are taking. When you quantify the risk you are taking, you become immune from your fears.

The other one is to realize that we are wired for negative bias. From our hunter-gatherer days, our brain is wired for negative bias because that was survival. We are no longer in that situation so it helps to look at both the negative outcome as well as the positive outcome. This way, we are able to put the downside into perspective. Yet another thing to do is practice relaxation techniques such as deep breaths and meditation. This prepares our body for the physical stress that comes with fear. It also keeps our minds clear.

One other thing that helps become courageous is to be courageous. What do I mean by that? Well, practice courageous actions in small doses. If you are afraid of the dark, for example, go to the basement in the dark once a day. That will build your confidence and allow you to become courageous when the stakes are much higher.

Another way to face our fears is to make plans. If you have a step-by-step plan of action, being courageous becomes a lot easier.

I do want to point out that being courageous for the sake of being courageous is not a good thing also. The way to avoid the bravado mentality is to make sure that you know where your strengths lie. If you know your strengths and weaknesses, then you will avoid being courageous for the sake of it.

So next time you are facing the fear of moving forward on a subject you are uncomfortable with, try finding your inner strength and go for it. You will grow from the experience even if it does not work out the way you wanted it to be. And remember what President Franklin D. Roosevelt said: “the only thing you have to fear is the fear itself”.

Positive Outlook

Have you noticed that a lot of times when life gives us lemons, we tend to complain about the sourness of those lemons? A very few people are able to make lemonades out of those lemons that life throws at them. So what does this even mean? Let’s dive in.

This reminds me of the baseball metaphor. If you are at bat and ready to hit the ball. You are expecting a fastball and are all ready to knock it out of the park. All of a sudden the pitcher throws a curveball at you. The ball actually slows down as it is coming to you. You are stumped and suddenly you get a strike. Now if you are a veteran player and do know what to do in a situation like this, you will adjust on the fly and take a single instead of that home run you were looking for. That is what it means to make lemonade out of the lemons life throws at you.

Before we can make those lemonades though, we first need to not lose it! Meaning, we need to stay positive when adversity comes at us at 100 miles an hour. The most important this in these situations is to keep things in perspective. We tend to blow things out of proportion when things go wrong. We assume the absolute worst and often our reaction is more like an overreaction. Instead, if we learn to keep things in perspective as to the extent of negative news that may be coming at us, we will be able to look at that objectively and find the right solution. We touched on this in a roundabout way in our discussions on equanimity if you recall in episode 13—I know sounds like a lifetime ago! If you get a chance, go revisit that episode.

The next thing to do is to have open communication. Understand what needs to be done and ask questions. This actually happened to me recently. We sold a building and the tenant sent us the rent after we sold the building by mistake. The buyer asked me to write him a check for the rent. I asked him if he can get the tenant to email me that they authorize me to send him a check I would be happy to otherwise, I needed to return the rent to the tenant. The buyer flipped out. He was all worked up because he did not expect that answer. I called him and said all it takes is an email from you to the tenant and why he was so hesitant about it. After talking it over with me, he realized that it was a reasonable thing to do and the matter was resolved in an hour. So it is important to understand what it is that someone is asking before getting all flipped out about it. So communication is key because oftentimes when we think is a lemon may not be a lemon at all!

Another thing that helps is always to be grateful. We always start our sessions with a gratitude attitude. A gratitude mindset helps you keep a positive outlook in the face of adversity. Yet another thing that helps is to be mindful. Slow your breathing down. As we all know, our thoughts are racing at a million miles mile per hour. When you slow your breathing down, they slow down to a manageable level.

One thing I have learned is that when people perceive something as a threat, they tend to overreact. So when life throws lemons at you, try to take them as a challenge and not as a threat. This is the key. We all know how to accept challenges and rise to them. Threats on the other hand evoke fight, flight, or freeze responses within us and that tends to be destructive.

And the last point I would like to make is that accept what you can and cannot do. What does that mean? As we have talked about this before, focus on what you can control. There are things and outcomes that are out of control. If you worry about things that you have no control over, it will become very difficult to get out of the negative spiral.

Hope all of this makes sense. Next time you come across a curveball in the shape of adversity, try to put some of these tips into practice. Hopefully, you will be able to make lemonade out of those lemons after all!

Inherent Existance

We have talked about at length in the past about inherent existence part of so-called wisdom teachings. It’s been a long time since we talked about those so in the next few episodes, I would like to revisit this topic with different examples. First of all, what really is inherent existence? If you think about most of us take the existence of all phenomena as inherent. What does that mean? Well, let’s talk about any object. A car, or a house, or clothes, or a computer, and so on. We think it exists and does not think twice about it. As a matter of fact, we think exists inherently and cling to it. This grasping or clinging is what brings the most suffering in our lives.

I know this sounds crazy. So let’s break it down. Any existence is either inherent or it is not. What is inherent existence? A phenomenon that exits from its own side is considered an inherent existence. In reality, there is no such thing. No phenomena exist from its own side. For anything to exist from its own side, either it is the same as its part or a collection of its part. There is no other possibility. Let’s take an example. This is a book. Many of you have this book. You look at this book and you say of course it exists. Now, if we just take one page from this book, would you say this is a book? For example, if you order this book from Amazon and if they only send you one page, would you say you received the book? Of course not. How about the cover page of this book? If someone only gave you a cover page, would you say it’s a book? No, you would not. So we all agree that the parts of the book are not the book. How about a collection of the parts. If I give you all the loose pages would you say it’s a book? No way you say. So there is no inherently existing book. Well, then what is this thing we called a book. It is nothing but imputation. It is a book because we called it a book. It has no inherent existence. Another way to look at this is that it is a dependent existence. I recently learned that if the person loses their eyesight say around 3 years of age. If they recover their eyesight say around the age of 40, they would not be able to see what we see. For them is just a blurb. Because that part of the brain that associates images is not developed at that age, they are never able to see the things we see. Now, if the same thing happened to them at the age of 8 when the image association is fully developed, they will be able to see what we see when they recover their eyesight. So you see, it is a dependent existence. The same things that are in our experience are not in the experience of people who have not developed image association or people who are blind.

Let’s look at this pen. Can you point to the pen? Where is the pen? Is it on your screen? Is it in my hand? You see this pen because your eye senses look at a picture of the pen, your brain interprets that as a pen. In other words, the pen is in your mind. Without your brain interpreting this object like a pen, the pen does not exist for you. In other words, it is a dependent existence.

So there are people who believe everything exists inherently meaning from their own side. As we just discussed that is just not the case. There are people who believe nothing exists at all. That is surely not the case since we are experiencing these phenomena. There is a middle way. That says that all phenomena are imputed or dependent on existence. Nothing exists inherently and all existence is imputed.

Let’s look at another example, we all have a car parked in the garage. Let’s find if the car exists inherently. For a car to exist inherently, it can either be found in its parts or it is a collection of its part. So let’s begin with its tires. If someone gave us four tires, we will certainly not call it a car. How about if someone gave us a bunch of bucket seats? Well, that is not a car. How about a door, or an engine, or brake pads? None of these parts is a car. If you take all the parts of the car put them on the ground, we won’t call it a car. So there is no inherently existing car. It is a car because we all decided to call it a car. In other words, it is an imputed existence.

Again, this is a deep subject. I would like to pick this up next week on the same topic. So we can investigate a little more to make sure that we are all on the same page as to inherent existence.

Quiet Time

Have you ever had a feeling that you are just on the go all the time? There is always something to do or someone to entertain! I know a number of people who enjoy this fast pace life. But it is good to give yourself a timeout every now and then and recharge yourself. So today, let’s discuss enjoying quiet time on your own.

First, let’s look at why quiet time is important in our lives. A quiet time allows us to self-reflect. It actually may lead to daydreaming. When we are in a quiet zone, our mind tends to focus on what matters most in our lives. I do want to caution you though. If you are not used to quiet time, at first, it would seem like the mind wants to go everywhere but eventually, it will settle down. As we get accustomed to quiet time, we will become mindful and see the advantages of being in the present moment.

Staying quiet also has physical benefits it seems. A 2006 NIH study (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1860846/) shows that staying quiet for 2 minutes significantly reduces heart rate and blood pressure. The opposite is also true and a noisy environment increases blood pressure and heart rate.

Some people have difficulty staying silent. Fear of missing out has a lot to do with this. A lot of people in our society need external stimuli such as social media and personal devices to keep themselves busy. If you think about it, they are trying to avoid their inner thoughts and feelings. Have you noticed that young adults tend to get bored easily? They just don’t know how to be with themselves. I often say that if you enjoy your company, you will never be bored! Another advantage of being quiet is that it allows us to make sense of it all. All the chaos that may be happening around us all of a sudden makes sense. We can see the bigger picture if you will. Here is interesting research I found. Boredom leads to creativity. According to John Eastwood of the Boredom Lab at York University in Canada (I am as surprised as you are that there is such a thing as Boredom Lab!), two key things are happening in the mind when we are bored. The first thing is they have a desire to do something. The other is that there is access to mental capacity that is available. A combination of these things leads to creative ideas.

So how do we stay quiet you might ask. There are a number of ways to practice staying still. Here are just a few of them. The easiest thing you can do is stay in the bed a little longer. Pick a weekend day and just don’t get out of bed for a few hours! Another approach is to seat after your meal at your dining table. My wife excels at this! She would just seat quietly for an hour after her meal. That is her own time. Another approach is to try to challenge yourself to stay silent for a certain amount of time. We used to play this game when kids were growing up. Whoever can stay silent the most wins the game. This is such a relief as a parent I tell you. Kids get to play the game and you enjoy a little peace and quiet! Yet another way is to go for a swim or a hike without your phone. That is going to be some quality quiet time.

A Harvard Business Review article from 2017 notes that quite time “increases your chances of encountering novel ideas and information and discerning weak signals.” When we’re constantly fixated on the verbal agenda—what to say next, what to write next, what to tweet next—it’s tough to make room for truly different perspectives or radically new ideas. It’s hard to drop into deeper modes of listening and attention. And it’s in those deeper modes of attention that truly novel ideas are found.

So here is an interesting idea. Some people think the craving for silent time is somehow cheating the system or not taking care of your responsibility. That cannot be further from the truth. We all need that alone time. That is the time where we can take care of our mental needs. Our mind needs that rest.

I hope this gives you something to think about and make quiet time part of your daily routine. If you have young children, I strongly encourage you to teach of how to be quiet. It is difficult but well worth the effort for their own future well-being.