Tag: yoga

The root of all evil: Self-Cherishing & Self-Grasping Ignorance

Now that the holidays are over, let’s examine what brings delusions in our lives and how to reduce them. I am sure during the holiday season, most of you at some point confronted your delusions. These come in any form such as anger, jealousy, hatred, attachment, ignorance, greed, etc. If we look at the root of our delusions, usually it boils down to Self-Cherishing and Self Grasping Ignorance.

Self-cherishing is a mind that thinks “I am important”. Self-Cherishing is nothing but a belief that our happiness, our comfort, our views, our thought process is superior to that of the other person. In other words, it is the same a supremacy. Let’s explore this a little. When we have a disagreement with someone it is because we consider our opinion to be superior to that of another person. Because of our ego or “me” delusion, all of our viewpoints are tainted. If we have tinted windows on our car, everything outside looks of that color. Look at all the wars in the world; they are rooted in this belief of supremacy. Let me tell you an interesting story. A few years ago, I was getting a massage. My masseuse asked me how my day was going. I casually mentioned I was dealing with some not so competent insurance people. Out of nowhere, she said do you think you are smarter than everyone else? I said most days I have this Smartest Person In The Room syndrome. What she said next was very profound. She said the universe gives you what you want. You want to be the smartest person so it sends you people who are not as up to speed! I thought it was a unique way to look at the world. But in essence, it was supremacy that was bringing frustration. Geshe Kelsang Gyasto put it wonderfully; “The moment we let go of our obsessive concern for our own welfare, our mid naturally relaxes and becomes lighter.”

The second reason we experience our delusions is Self-Grasping Ignorance. It is just a fancy way of saying we grasp at ourselves and its inherent existence. When we talk about wisdom teachings we will dive deep into inherent existence. Self-grasping ignorance is also known as separation. We have created this boundary around us separating ourselves from other living beings. This is similar to a saying that goes; my cold is worst than yours because it is happening to me! If we erase the boundaries around us, the world would be a much better place. How so? Let’s look at it. We strongly identify with ourselves and grasp it so tightly that nothing is more important than our I. If our boundary only includes us then we focus on our happiness over all else. If our boundary includes our family then all of a sudden we are willing to make little sacrifices for the greater good of our family. Most people stop there. If we all begin to erase boundaries around our community we would all try our best to make sure everyone in our community is better off. If you think about the war analogy I just pointed out, it also applies here. There are wars because there is separation. We all identify strongly with something or other. Man, Woman, American, Indian, Republican, Democrat, Black, White, Brown, Hindu, Christian, Jew, so on and so forth. The politicians of the world are actively creating more identities based on race, gender, and so forth. We are actively trying to divide the world instead of uniting it. That causes delusions.

In other words, if we begin to identify a little less with ourselves and start erasing boundaries around us to include more living beings, we will begin to notice that our delusions are decreasing. Similarly, if we reduce our self-cherishing, we will reduce our delusions.

Stress Less

As the holidays are fast approaching, we are getting into the most stressful season of the year in the Western world. So today let’s discuss how to keep the stress at bay and more importantly, how to make sure that you keep your mental peace amid all the chaos.

Before we talk about tackling stress, let’s discuss how stress originates in our body. Stress comes from trying to control people and situations. Getting other people to behave our way is not really working and is never effective. The only thing we can control for sure is our mind. There will be always things to worry about. So if wait for things to settle down, we will be waiting for eternity. Our thoughts carry us all over the place and they bring stress in our lives. If we gain mastery over our mind and thoughts, we find deep peace. Our mind is like a crazy wild elephant. It destroys everything on its way, it thinks about scary thoughts that will most likely never materialize. Someone put it nicely, anxiety and worries are misuses of the imagination.

But we live in the real world so there will always be things out of our control. If we learn to control our reactions to situations, we will be able to avoid stress and bring happiness and peace. In that spirit, I found this stress handling quadrant. I am going to share this document on the screen. This document is courtesy of Tashi Nyma a Buddhist Monk out of Dallas, Texas. No need to copy this document – I will email you a copy at the end of this session. Those of you who are watching this on our YouTube channel or on LinkedIn, please email meditatedenver@gmail.com and I will email you a copy of this document.

As you can see, this is called the Four Quadrant Practice. The first quadrant is Avoid. We want to avoid as many situations as we can that can create stress in our life. For example, is looking at our phone 10 times an hour really necessary? Once people start looking at their phones, all kinds of stressful situations arise. They say an average American looks at their phone 96 times per day. That is insane!! Going on social media all day is another one of those things that we can avoid. What I found helpful was to limit my social media interactions to twice a day. And I am trying really hard not to get into an argument on social media. I limit checking my emails three or four times per day. Again, it is different for everyone but no one expects you to respond within minutes.

The next quadrant is Adjust. Let’s adjust our behavior to avoid stressful situations. For example, because I am in a High-Risk COVID group, I started getting stressed out when COVID increased in the last two months about shopping. So we adapted to a 100% online or curbside pickup model for the last 6 weeks. It eliminated all the unnecessary stress. You might want to limit the duration of meetings if that stresses you out.

The next quadrant is to Adapt. We adapt to the situations that we can avoid or adjust to. For example, you may not be able to avoid a meeting with that annoying coworker. Take some deep breaths before you begin the meeting. Go for a walk if you have an option.

The last quadrant is Accept. This is if all fails kind of category. Accept that you have to take that meeting and it may go bad. Prepare yourself and change your attitude towards it. There is no reason an external situation should give you stress. Train your mind. Essentially, this is what we started the session with.

So as you can see, there are ways to stay out of stressful situations. We must make sure that what the world brings does not need to disturb our internal peace. Hopefully, with some practice, we can all experience that peace within. I would like you to do this exercise as homework with the worksheet. It would certainly make you think if nothing else.

Mindful Speech

Some people talk a lot and others tend to be quiet. But all of us have a constant chatter in our mind this inner speech. So let’s discuss mindful speech both inner and outer. We briefly talked about asking ourselves Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? Before we post anything on social media in Episodes 7 and 9. So let’s take this a little further. When we have any kind of communication with someone else, we must ask ourselves; is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? The answer to any one of these is negative, we should try and refrain from that speech. A speech can be any communication method be it social media, email, verbal, nonverbal, etc. This will help us bring a level of kindness to the world. More importantly, it will allow us to be less judgmental as we tend to judge everyone except ourselves all day long. It will also hopefully help us avoid exaggerated language. Because of the influence of marketing in modern society, we have all adopted this language of exaggeration. Either it is the best or the worst nothing in between. Do we really “love” that slice of pizza? Without that our life is somehow going to be incomplete? Is it really a slice of heaven? Do we even know what heaven looks like? If someone does not give us something, is it really ruining our life? My personal favorite is To Die For. Really? Will you die for that sweater? If we begin to pay attention to what we communicate, we will be able to avoid a lot of this.

Paying attention to our communication is great. But, if you think about it, the majority of all of our speech is internal. We talk to ourselves more than we talk to anyone else. We think about things that happened or things that may never happen. So let’s start to develop a habit. When we catch ourselves having an internal dialogue, we should ask ourselves; is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Helpful? Is it Kind? And again, if the answer to any one of these is No, let’s just stop that internal dialog and try to just be without thinking anything. Personally, I find it helpful to ask Is it Necessary? Every time, the answer seems to be No and I stop that internal dialog. One useful tip is to use our MAC technic here as well. If we are alert looking out for this internal dialog, we will then can be mindful in asking the question so that we can stop that internal dialog. You will be amazed at how your day improves just by keeping a tab on your internal dialog. Some people ask if we should continue if the dialog is positive. In general, we want to avoid that internal dialog as it may start out positive but as you all know, our mind wonders and can get the negative drift anytime. If we make a sincere practice to scan for our internal speech, we will be able to tame our mind a lot faster and our meditation practice will improve as well.

Purpose of Meditation

One of our participants sent me an email asking is the purpose of meditation practice to find that 15 minutes of peace. This is such a great question so I thought we would talk about the purpose of meditation practice tonight. Surely, we want to find that peace within us on a daily basis for however long that we can find it. But the purpose of practice is never the practice.

What do I mean by that? Let’s say you decide to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. Now unless you are used to climbing fourteeners, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro is no small feat. Especially, the last day. The first few days it is relatively easy but on the last day, you are supposed to start climbing around 9 or 10 pm at night. You will reach the peak just around dawn. You take a few pictures and then continue with the descent for about four hours or so before getting to a camp. This is not an easy day for anybody. You will be essentially on your feet for 10 hours or so. In this case, you will start conditioning your body before you head out to Tanzania. You begin a daily exercise routine and probably weekly climbing practice. The purpose of this conditioning is not to get good at conditioning but to prepare yourself for the climb on Mount Kilimanjaro.

Our daily meditation practice is supposed to condition us for our daily worldly activities. For example, let’s say you buy a 10,000 piece Lego puzzle. That’s a lot of pieces and would take you a few days to complete for sure. Now you begin to organize your pieces in different piles first. Then you begin to build the puzzle. You spend say 30 minutes doing this. If you spend the next 23 ½ hours breaking what you have already built and mix all the pieces you had separated what is the result? The next day, you will have a bigger challenge on your hand.

So when we meditate, we are trying to find that peace within us for sure. The bigger purpose however is to make sure that we carry that with us throughout the rest of our day. We want to be centered no matter what life throws at us. That is the real purpose of our meditation. Getting grounded within ourselves. If during our meditation practice say you had a rough time concentrating on a particular day. But after meditation is complete, you are able to be kind and loving towards everyone you come across. That is a successful mediation session. On the other hand, if you had a peaceful meditation where you came close to enlightenment but after the meditation session you have difficulty showing compassion towards anyone, that was an unsuccessful meditation session.

Joyful Death

Today, let’s talk about something unusual – joyful death! At a first glance, it sounds like an oxymoron, but as you will see, it is a profound subject. I read two books recently on death. Living Meaningfully and Dying Joyfully – a book by Kelsang Gyasto – a Buddhist meditation master.  The second book was Death an inside story by Sadhguru – a Yogi. Surprisingly, both books had a very similar theme and conclusion. They also have similar teachings on what happens at death. At death, our very subtle mind or I or sole leaves this body and stays in what is known as an intermediate state for anywhere from a few hours to few weeks before taking another birth. That another birth could be in any realm – human, animal, and so forth depending upon what karma ripened at the time of our death.

In general, in the west, we have this fear of death. All of us intellectually know everyone dies someday but we don’t take that to mean that we too shall die. If you think about it, every minute that passes, we are one minute closer to our death – scarry right?

During our Karma Q&A sessions, we briefly touched on the fact that Karma that ripens at our death determines where we end up next in this cycle of birth and death. So let’s discuss what it really means. We have all created negative Karma in this lifetime and previous lives. So strictly statistically speaking, the chance of negative Karma ripening at death is higher than the chance of positive karma ripening. How do we get around these overwhelming odds against us? If we die peacefully or joyfully, we increase our odds of positive karma ripening significantly.

That leads to the next question – how do we die peacefully? There is actually a whole science behind this. In a nutshell, during death, one must be without any attachment, fear, pain, or anyone of the delusions. If that happens, our negative karma will not ripen at death. This means no thinking about our possessions; money, cars, houses, etc. No worrying about our loved ones removing all attachment. No concern about our mental and physical pain. There are things people around those who are dying can do to help the process as well. The biggest thing loved ones can do for a dying person is not be attached to them. Meaning no holding hands, no crying, no we will miss you, no it is too soon, no please stay, and so forth. As that creates a strong sense of attachment that we are trying to avoid. We can also make things conducive for a dying person by playing soft devotional music.

I have only experienced one death of a loved one in my life. But it was textbook joyful death. A few years ago, my uncle passed away. At the time of death, there were about 20 people in the room, no one was touching or even close to his bed. Everyone was singing bhajans and in about half an hour or so, he passed away. No one was crying, it was just a matter of fact as opposed to a sad event. That is what is needed to make sure our negative karma does not ripen at death.

I know this is a different topic and not everyone is comfortable thinking about but it is an important event in one’s journey through life. It decides what our next destination may be so we must begin to think about how best we can make this a peaceful if not joyful event.

So in our meditation today, we will first settle down in our hearts. Then we will perform what is known as absorption of cessation meditation. All that means is no thoughts, no feelings, no sensations. We do this by imagining ourselves as a piece of wood. A piece of wood has no thoughts, or feelings, or emotions. Just like that, we will stay still in our mind experiencing a deep peace. We will hold that peace as long as we can.