When adults do it, we call it keeping up with joneses and when kids fall for it, we call it peer pressure. Either way, it is one of those traps that can suck one into a downward spiral. So today, let’s discuss peer pressure and how best to navigate it. I read about a story where in our local school district, kids are involved in this TikTok challenge where they steal toilet paper from the school restrooms or otherwise destroy the restroom and put a picture on TikTok. How crazy is that?
Peer pressure is nothing new. And there is nothing wrong with hanging out with friends who are trying out different things. It becomes a problem when we allow their behavior to influence our decisions. For teenagers, this is especially difficult. They are trying to get acceptance from their peers and be part of the “cool” group if you will. This is the same for adults when otherwise rational people try to keep up with the lifestyle of their peers. It all comes down to who we are as people and if we are comfortable in our skin. If we are happy with who we are, we will never try to impress other people. And this is the rub really. Most people are trying for approval from external sources. We look for validation from our colleagues and friends of the choices we make for ourselves.
Psychologists say that people overspend beyond their means just to impress other people or to fill a void within themselves. In a consumption economy, we are actually encouraging this behavior by making credit easily available to anyone and everyone without regard to the ability to pay back. A lot of these material items are flashed as a signal of wealth instead of a signal of debt.
I had an interesting conversation with my cousin a few years ago. She was visiting from India and we were chatting and she asked how come a lot of minimum wage employees were able to afford the latest iPhone. It was a great question. I explained to her that when people buy these items, they are not looking at the cost of the product but the monthly payment. Can they afford that additional $20 monthly payment, then they buy it without concern about savings or anything else. I have nothing again taking on debt for appreciating assets such as a home but when one takes on debt to pay for consumables where value deteriorates within the first few months, you are just taking the unnecessary financial burden.
This is purely a psychological issue rather than a financial education issue. People want to keep up with those around them and impress them so they splurge without regard to their own financial situation.
So how do we get out of this cycle of comparison? The first thing to realize is that happiness comes from within. No matter the external conditions, if we are content with who we are and what we have, we will not need external stimuli for our happiness. One way to develop this state of mind is through meditation. Create a daily meditation practice with an emphasis on “I have everything that I need at this moment”. Another way is to develop a gratitude practice. Be thankful for what you have and that brings contentment which leads to happiness. We have talked about both of these at length in the past. I encourage you to review our Gratitude episode as well as the Contentment episode on the YouTube channel.
The next thing you can try is to figure what your value is. If someone drives a fancy car, do you value the car or is it just for show? Once you know your values you will stop competing and that is when you will begin to see changes. It also helps when you stop following influencers on social media. They are there to paddle consumables. It is their job but that does not mean that we have to follow them. And most important thing is to realize that self-worth has no relation to material worth. They are completely detached from each other.
Once you implement some of the solutions outlined here, you will begin to feel change where you can still hang out with your friends without being in need to compare your lifestyle with theirs. I hope this is helpful in some way to you or someone you love. One thing I would strongly suggest is to instill these values in our kids at an early age. The Sooner they realize they don’t need to do anything to impress someone else, the better off they will be in their lives.