Tag: peace

Cultivating Compassion

During our Q&A session last week, we discussed how difficult it is to cultivate compassion toward others. As I mentioned, it is a learned skill. So today, let’s talk about how we can develop compassion toward all living beings.

Before we develop compassion towards everyone, we first need to have love towards them. If we have a love for someone in our heart, developing compassion towards them becomes easy. So how do we develop love towards other random people and even people who do not care for us. Well, let’s start with types of love. There are three types of love. Affectionate love, cherishing love, and wishing love.

Here is from the book Universal Compassion: We can understand these by considering the following example. If a mother is reunited with one of her children after a long separation, she is very happy and feels great affection for her. This special feeling of affection is affectionate love. Out of affection, the mother considers her child to be very precious and wants to take special care of her. This special feeling of caring is cherishing love. Because she has affectionate love and cherishing love for her child, if she sees that she is unhappy she immediately wishes to restore her happiness. This wish for others to be happy and to help them to achieve happiness is wishing love.

So let’s break this down. In simplest terms, affectionate love is to like someone. If we are in a family and we have affection towards each other, life would be much smoother. Similarly, if we have affection towards our community, we will try to make sure that everyone in our community is free from suffering. This affectionate love brings harmony and peace in the community. The easiest way to develop affectionate love is to think about how no one wants to suffer. We know that we don’t want to have any suffering in life. Similarly, no one wishes to suffer for themselves. Once we understand that all beings want to be free from suffering, we will develop affectionate love towards them. A warm feeling in our hearts towards them. It is difficult to practice this by trying to show affectionate love towards everyone at once. So one should start by showing affectionate love towards a select few that would be easier – members of your family or close friends. Then expand the circle once you are comfortable.

Cherishing love is to cherish other beings. We touched on this in one of our previous sessions. How so many people are trying to help our day go by smoothly. If we think about how many people were involved in the house we are living in or bringing the water we drink every day or food we eat every day. It is countless number of people. Just imagine how many people are involved in getting this meditation session live to all of us. Someone had to build this microphone, computer, and so on. Once we realize this, we will start cherishing others for all they do. Developing this cherishing love is what helps us develop compassion towards others.

Wishing love is our wish for all living beings to be happy. This is a natural outcome once we develop affectionate love and cherishing love towards others.

A fast-track way to develop compassion towards others is to think about all living beings as our mothers. If we believe that we have had countless lives, then we also must accept that we have had countless mothers. That means any of the living beings could be our mother in our previous lives. One can argue but that does not mean they are our mothers right now. Well, when someone’s mother passes away, she does not stop being their mother. So by that logic, since they were our mothers once, they are still our mothers. If we can begin to bring this point to our hearts, we will naturally develop compassion towards them. If for some reason you are not comfortable thinking about all living beings as your mother, you can think of being a mother to all living beings. The result is the same as you would begin to develop compassion towards them since all mothers have great compassion towards their children.

So as you can see there are a couple of ways we can train our minds to develop compassion. This is a very profound practice. It is certainly not easy but it is a fast-track way to get towards enlightenment. I hope all of us can begin to practice this in small ways in our daily life.

Equalizing Self with Others

Let’s talk about an extension of a topic we have covered earlier. We talked about how one can equalize self with other meaning how we should consider that the happiness of others is as important as our happiness. Today, let’s go one step further. That is called exchanging self with others. To look at this I am going to give you an example of a mountain.

Let’s imagine we are on a mountain top. We can see another mountain top from our vantage point. For us, the mountain top we are standing on is this mountain and the other mountain top is that mountain. Now let’s say we get off the mountain top and climb to the other mountain top that we were seeing. At this time, the mountain top we are on is this mountain, and the original mountain top that we were on previously becomes that mountain top. Everyone with me? So the words “this mountain top” and “that mountain top” are just imputations based on our vantage points at the time. It is not attached to a specific mountain top.

Our attachment to ourselves and our happiness is very similar. We all are on this mountain top where our happiness is more important than everyone else. We see everyone else as that mountain. Meaning their happiness is less important than our happiness. If we think about it, that is how most of us are living our lives. All of our problems come from this basic belief that our happiness is more important than everyone else. Think about it. We get upset when something does not go our way. When someone charges us more than what we think we should be paying. Or when someone says something that offends our ego. Or when someone does something different from what we think is right. All of these scenarios bring up delusions in our minds. Anger, hatred, jealousy, frustration, and so on. All of our delusions have their root in this belief that somehow our happiness is more important than others.

Now, if we get down this “me mountain” and start climbing the “they mountain”; we would cherish their happiness more than our happiness.  Think about this, if we value their happiness more than our happiness, delusions will not arise in our minds. A classic example is a mother’s love for her children. A mother would save her baby over her life. Obviously, she cherishes the happiness of the baby more than herself. So when an infant is hungry in the middle of the night, she is happy to get up and feed the baby. The same mom would get upset when someone else wakes her up in the middle of the night. What does that tell us? It is clear that in both cases the inconvenience is the same. She is up from her sleep. In one case she is happy to do it and in another case her delusions flare-up. In the scenario of feeding the baby, our mom is on “they mountain” – the baby’s happiness is more important than my happiness. In the other scenario, she is on the “me mountain”.

So as you can see, if we try to get off the “me mountain” and get on the “they mountain” a lot of delusions go away. Not only that, there is no friction in our life. Life just becomes smooth. The more formal name for this exchanging self with others.

Another way to look at this is to accept defeat and give them victory. A friend of mine recently said something that caught my eyes. She lives in a small town with her family. On the main street, she was going to a neighborhood shop. After she entered the shop, someone came behind her and was visibly upset. He said thanks a lot for cutting me off back there. She did not realize that she cut this person off. So she apologized to him and said she was sorry that she cut him off. He continued, you should be sorry for driving like a maniac. At this point, most people would have lost their patience and got into an argument. Not my friend. She said I am truly sorry that I did that to you. I could see you are upset and please tell me what I can do to improve your day. At that point, the person calmed down. My friend to her credit did not let the person upset her mental equilibrium. She also turned around the mood of the other person. Accepting defeat and giving them victory. I know it is very difficult if not impossible to practice but please try to do this next time you find yourself in a tough situation. It will brighten everyone’s day.

Dream Like Nature

Looks like anxiety was a timely discussion last week. We received very good feedback about the topic. So today let’s discuss something totally different! Let’s discuss the dreamlike nature of the phenomenon. What does that even mean you are wondering? Well, let’s dig into it.

Have you ever had a vivid dream? I sometimes get these lucid dreams where I am aware of everything that is happening and am actively participating it, making decisions, having fun, feeling sorry whatever the case may be. I wake up and distinctly remember what happened in that dream. It felt so real while it was in the dream state. Where did it go? If it was real, it should not just disappear just like that. But it does.

Buddha gave the example of an elephant in the dream – in ancient India, elephants were commonplace. Say someone dreams of an elephant.  It is a big elephant. It has big ears he is flapping around; you could see wrinkles on his skin, a nice long trunk, and so on.  All this is real in your dreams. When we wake up, we realize that there is no elephant. Where did it go? How did it come about in the first place? How can it vanish in thin air? It felt very real so what happened? It felt like it would in waking life and existed on its own side. We realize that it was just a dream. We made it up – there was no elephant. A total and complete fabrication of our mind. And when our subtle mind (subtle mind is the one that allows us to dream as we discussed in types of mind session) disappeared, the elephant disappeared with it.

As venerable Geshe Kelsang puts it, when we dream, we may have extremely vivid experiences. We may travel to colorful lands, meet beautiful or terrifying people, engage in various activities, and as a result experience great pleasure or suffering and pain. In our dream a whole world appears to us, functioning in its own way. This world may be similar to the world of our waking state or it may be quite bizarre, but in either case, while we are dreaming it appears to be utterly real. If we check carefully we shall realize that our waking world exists in a way that is similar to the way in which our dream world exists. Like the dream world, our waking world appears vividly to us and seems to have its own existence independent of our mind. Just as in the dream, we believe this appearance to be true and respond with desire, anger, fear, and so on.

Let’s unpack the profoundness of this statement. Let’s get back to our elephant example. We know that elephant is not our mind. I think it is fair to say that all of you will agree it is not independent of our mind. If our mind does not perceive the elephant it will not show up in our dream. And lastly, an elephant ceases to exist when the mind dreaming about it ceases to exist. Hopefully, we all agree on these three points.

But you say in the waking world, I can touch and feel things like my car, my TV, my anger, and so forth. Even in our dreams, we could feel and touch the elephant. We even get angry or happy and physically react sometimes in our dream. So in that regard, it is no different. If we apply the same three tests we used for our dream, maybe it makes sense. Let’s take our car. We know our car is not our mind. We also know that it is not independent of our mind. If it is not in our perception, we will not know there is a car. And we know that when the mind perceiving the car ceases, it will cease as well. Here is some more from Geshe Kelsang: The only difference between them is that the dream world is an appearance to our subtle dreaming mind while the waking world is an appearance to our gross waking mind. The dream world exists only for as long as the dream awareness to which it appears exists, and the waking world exists only for as long as the waking awareness to which it appears exists. Buddha said:

“You should know that all phenomena are like dreams.”

When we die, our gross waking minds dissolve into our very subtle minds, and the world we experienced when we were alive simply disappears. The world as others perceive it will continue, but our personal world will disappear as completely and irrevocably as the world of last night’s dream. And we covered some of this in our three types of mind session earlier.

If we grasp this even at a smaller level, a lot of our delusions such as anger, attachment, jealousy, and so forth will begin to disappear.

Conquering Anxiety

I have been reading a lot of news articles about how our entire population is suffering from anxiety due to COVID. Everyone is talking about how Anxiety is disproportionately affecting our young adults. It is a real problem. So let’s try and tackle this problem in today’s meditation session.

Let’s start with what causes anxiety. We live in a fast pace world. People have way too many balls in the air so stress, in general, is at an elevated level in our society. When COVID came about, additional stressors came into our lives. A lot of people lost their jobs. People who were displaced from employment were the people who were least likely to have a financial safety net of their own. They for the most part became dependent upon the social safety net. That had its own added challenge. A lot of the systems we have in place as a safety net were not designed to intake everyone at once (unemployment reporting systems in most states went down in the initial days of COVID). Then came the social distancing and shutdown of societies. Human beings are social animals. We are not programmed to be confined – and let’s face it; no matter what we call it, it was confinement. No social interaction, even when you can go out for necessities, no looking at someone’s face – I mean how do you judge facial expressions with a mask on?

The lack of social interactions especially hit the younger generation hard. Their go-to source for stress reduction was hanging out with friends and that was taken away abruptly without any notice. So-called health experts did not realize what negative effects their action would have on this group of the population that was least affected by COVID but is most affected by mental health crisis resulting from COVID lockdowns. A recent National Institute of Health concluded that almost 20% of young adults are suffering from anxiety. That is a very high number.

Now that we have figured out what it is that causing this epidemic of the mental health crisis, I think it may be a blessing in disguise. Two things are happening; 1) mental health is no longer a taboo subject – even Michelle Obama is openly talking about the mild depression she is going through; 2) people are taking actions to take their mental health in order and these actions will hopefully have long term positive outcome.

So how do we address the anxiety that flares up any time of the day with no warning? Anxiety comes because we provide inappropriate attention to a subject. What is inappropriate attention you might ask? It simply means we are exaggerating a problem we may be facing or blowing out of proportion the negative impacts of that problem and so forth. This actually happened recently. A friend’s son called me in panic. He had recently received a full-time job and his employer asked for a drug test. He went for the drug test and they took his social security number and date of birth. When he was leaving the facility, he noticed that they had a piece of paper with all his personal information in plain sight for everyone to see. He could not say anything but as soon as he went home he told his parents he was worried about his personal information being out there. They asked him to call me. Anyway, we started to talk and his anxiety was flaring up. So we went about breaking it down. And this is very important to get rid of anxiety. People who are going through anxiety episodes tend to talk about generality and how everything is going to be bad or worse. After talking it through, I asked him what the worst-case scenario? Another useful technic is when you know the worst-case scenario, it defines the problem and you can begin to address the problem. So he said the worst case is someone can steal his identity. So I asked him to put a freeze on his credit report with all three credit bureau.  As soon as he completed this step, his anxiety disappeared because now he knew his problem was solved. The point here is that if we break down the problem and begin to work on it, it reduces or eliminates anxiety.

This is what I call short term solution. Longer-term, we must learn how not to let our outer problems disturb our inner peace. This is where meditation comes in. If we have a meditation practice that allows us to find our peaceful selves, it can become our go-to solution.

Renunciation

When someone says renunciation, people have all kinds of ideas. They think it is about leaving your family or getting away from it all and going to some cave to meditate. That cannot be further from the truth. So let’s demystify renunciation today.

Renunciation means a spontaneous wish to attain liberation (Mukti, Mox) from Samsara. This requires a careful look at the definition of Samsara. For a lot of people who are of Indian origin, Samsara typically means day-to-day life. That is not Samsara at all. Samsara is this endless cycle of birth and death. If you think about it, we have been going through this cyclical process of birth, death, birth for eons. Idea is to get out of that wheel.

Why would we want to get out of this circle you may ask? If you look at it, Samsara is full of suffering. We go through the suffering of birth, aging, sickness, delusions, death, and then rinse and repeat! Let’s look at each of these individually.

Any woman who has given birth will tell you it is no joke. If the full-grown adult is having so much pain, can you imagine what a baby goes through during the birthing process? Even before the birth, in the mother’s womb, the baby goes through suffering. When a mom drinks something cold, the baby feels like she is taking a cold shower, and exactly the opposite when mom drinks something hot.

Once we are born, for initial weeks and months, we don’t know how to convey our wants and needs. The only thing we know is to cry and to move our limbs around to get attention. That has to be a frustrating experience. Not being able to communicate you are hungry or you are in pain.

As we grow, the suffering of sickness is one of those things that can sneak up on you at any time.  When sickness strikes even the most healthy amongst us can get knocked out. It can take away our daily joys and make us feel unpleasant. When we feel ill, it is like a soaring bird that gets shot and comes straight down to the earth. We have no strength. We get frustrated and sometimes are dependent on others for our day-to-day activities. Our medical team may or may not be able to help us. If our sickness is incurable and if we are not exposed to spirituality, we may feel anxious, fear and regret.

No one can escape from this next suffering called aging. All of us age and with age comes age-related issues. The simple task of getting up and down becomes a chore and is painful. When we are young, we can travel around the world, however in old age, just getting out of the house is very difficult sometimes. We lose our eyesight and ability to hear as we age. Our memory fades and we tend to repeat ourselves – I feel like I am already experiencing this one😊Things we used to enjoy when we were young, no longer appeals to us and we are not able to enjoy those same things anymore.

At the time of our death, we don’t want to let go of the possessions we have accumulated throughout this lifetime We feel sorry about leaving our loved ones behind. We have to leave everything and everyone we are attached to and that creates sadness for many people.

There are other sufferings beyond the four basic sufferings of birth, sickness, aging, and death that we discussed here. We all suffer from our delusions. These delusions bring us anger, attachment, hatred, confusion, jealousy, and so on. When we get angry for example, sometimes, we can feel physical pain. It also creates tremendous mental suffering. It affects our health. These sufferings prevent us from enjoying life. We suffer from environmental factors such as recent weather extremities in Texas. That causes people to lose their shelter, temporary displacements, and so on. We suffer from not having our desires fulfilled. Even when our desires are fulfilled, they may not get fulfilled in the way we want them to be fulfilled. With wealth comes its issues and that could be temporary as well.

So as you can see the cycle of birth and death tends to bring suffering. The only way out of this is to strive for liberation. We should make a spontaneous wish to get out of this endless cycle and make a determination to attain supreme inner peace of liberation.