Tag: mindfulness

Patience

We started discussing the six perfections in detail last week with the perfection of moral discipline. I thought we would talk about one of the other perfections—patience today. Now if you talk to anyone who knows me, they would tell you, I am the least qualified person to talk about patience! So today is the “let’s do what the teacher says and not what he does” kind of lesson!

In “The Boddhisattva Vow” Geshe Kelsang Gyatso defines patience as a virtuous mind that is able to bear harm, suffering, or profound Dharma. Patience is useful whether we are interested in spiritual growth or not. You see, without patience, we are prone to anxiety, frustration, and disquiet. If we lack patience, it is difficult for us to maintain a relationship with others.

Patience is the opposite of anger. We have all seen what anger can do. At a minimum, it prevents us from judging the situation accurately and causes us to act irrationally. Worst of all, it destroys our peace of mind. Anger normally is triggered by something very insignificant, such as a comment we find offensive or a habit we find annoying, and so forth. It leads us to do and say things that create harm to us and others. If we look at all the wars in this world, there is no doubt that they were caused by angry minds. External enemies harm us in slow and subtle ways. Anger, on the other hand, harms us from within.

Patience helps us in this life and all our future lives. The famous Indian sage Shantideva once said, “there is no evil greater than anger, there is no virtue greater than patience”. With patience, we can accept any pain that is inflicted upon us. With patience, nothing destroys our peace of mind and we do not experience any suffering. There are three types of patience:

  1. The patience of not retaliating
  2. The patience of voluntarily enduring suffering
  3. The patience of definitely thinking about Dharma or spirituality

To practice the patience of not retaliating, we need to be mindful of how anger can destroy our peace of mind and be alert when situations arise when we might get angry. We need to think that if someone hits us with a stick it is not the fault of the stick. Similarly, when someone tries to harm us, it is their delusion to be blamed and not themselves. I know, tough to reconcile, right? Another way to think about this is to realize that when someone harms us, it is our Karma that created the situation. We must have harmed them in the past and by patiently accepting the situation, we are able to pay off that karmic debt.

The second kind of patience is the patience of volunteering enduring suffering. If we don’t have this patience, we will give up our tasks as soon as they become difficult. We will become more and more frustrated and we will end up accepting mediocracy. We often come across unpleasant conditions and misfortune. By voluntarily accepting these adversities, we eliminate sufferings from our lives. That does not mean the pain goes away, but it need not cause suffering within us. Instead of self-pity, we strengthen our resolve. We recall that these unpleasant conditions or misfortunes are the results of our previous negative karma and resolve to avoid negative karma moving forward. If we are able to endure adversities, we will be able to reap great rewards. Our present sufferings will diminish. Also, suffering helps us dispel pride, develop compassion and abandon negative karma.

The third type of patience is the patience of definitely thinking about Dharma or spirituality. If we listen to, contemplate, and meditate on spirituality and Dharma, we are practicing patience of definitely thinking of patience. So every Tuesday, when we meet for meditation, we are practicing patience of definitely thinking about Dharma. This is important because it creates a happy and patient mind.

So hopefully, we can all try a little harder to develop the type of patience that we need to work on. We may find a particular type of patience more difficult to practice than others depending upon karmic tendencies. But important thing is to make progress and not get discouraged.

Moral Discipline

In the past, we briefly touched on the six perfections. Six perfections are the guide to living a life on the right path the path that leads to enlightenment. Now that is a tall order for sure but practicing these six perfections would certainly make our daily lives joyful and would bring joy to people around us. So today, let’s talk about the perfection of moral discipline.

In “The Boddhisattva Vow” Geshe Kelsang Gyatso defines moral discipline as a virtuous mental determination to abandon any fault or any action that is motivated by such a determination. That’s it. It is that simple. If we know something is wrong and we make a determination to avoid that, and follow through with it, we are practicing moral discipline.

There are three types of moral discipline; 1) the moral discipline of restraint; 2) the moral discipline of generating virtuous karma; 3) the moral discipline of benefiting other living beings.

Let’s look at each one in detail. The moral discipline of restraint is abstaining from non-virtuous acts. You see to practice this type of moral discipline we first need to understand the dangers of committing negative actions, make a promise to abandon such negative actions, and then follow through on it. Simply not doing something without knowing that it is wrong is not moral discipline. For example, a two-year-old does not know that killing is bad. If they abstain from killing they are not practicing moral discipline. Now, on the other hand, a five-year-old knows killing is bad and then avoids killing ants, they are practicing moral discipline. So if we understand the dangers of ten non-virtuous actions that we have talked about at length during our karma series, promise to refrain from them, and then follow through on that promise, we are practicing the moral discipline of restraint. If we are not ready to abandon all of the negative actions at once, we can take a vow to refrain from one particular type of non-virtuous action for a certain period. Once we keep that promise, we can increase the duration of our promise for a longer time in the next iteration.

To practice this, we need to rely upon our M A C technique. We need to be mindful so we don’t forget our vows. We need to stay alert so that when delusions crop up, we can use our conscientiousness to avoid non-virtuous actions.

Next is the moral discipline of generating virtuous karma. To me, this is easier than the first one but like anything else depending upon our own karma we find one type of moral discipline easier than the other. In this moral discipline, we need to try and generate virtuous karma. Again, it is important to be mindful of what it is that we are doing for that to be considered moral discipline. I am sure there are some benefits of accidental positive karma but positive karma created by mindfulness had the full effect if you will.

The last type of moral discipline is of benefiting living beings. This is the moral discipline of helping others in whatever way that we can. We can offer material help if someone needs it or we can offer advice to them if they are going through a difficult stage in their life or we can teach them dharma or we can pray for them at a minimum. When we help others, we should be sensitive to their needs, state of mind, experience, and point of view. If we come down as Hollier than thou, no matter how good the advice may be, they are not likely to follow it and we are not doing good to anyone.

There is an interesting story of a Tibetan monk. He had a good size following and one day he was giving teaching from a throne to a few hundred followers. There was this lady in the village whose daughter was sick and someone told her that if she put the daughter in the monk’s care, that would save her daughter. So the lady takes a few-month-old daughter in a basket to the monk when he was giving a lecture and said out loud, here keep your daughter. She is your daughter so you raise her. Then she quietly told the monk to save her daughter. Monk just nodded and took the baby in his lap and continued with his teaching. Over the next few years, he raised this baby like she was his own. Once the lady realized that her daughter was healthy she came back to pick her up. Now talk about the moral discipline of helping living beings! Most people would have worried about their reputation and whatnot. Not this monk. He wanted to help and realized that if he challenged the lady, he would not be able to help the baby.

I know none of us are monks but if we apply some of these teachings at a small level in our lives; the world would be a better place.

Why Meditate?

I was at a party over the weekend. During our idle chatter, someone asked me why I meditate and what is the purpose. They continued if that brings 10 minutes of peace in one’s day. I thought it’s been a while since we looked at why we are getting together every Tuesday so it would be nice to look at that again. Surely, we want to find that peace within us on a daily basis for however long that we can find it. But the purpose of practice is never the practice.

What do I mean by that? Let’s say you decide to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. Now unless you are used to climbing fourteeners, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro is no small feat. Especially, on the last day. The first few days it is relatively easy but on the last day, you are supposed to start climbing around 9 or 10 pm. You will reach the peak just around dawn. You take a few pictures and then continue with the descent for about four hours or so before getting to a camp. This is not an easy day for anybody. You will be essentially on your feet for 10 hours or so. In this case, you will start conditioning your body before you head out to Tanzania. You begin a daily exercise routine and probably weekly climbing practice. The purpose of this conditioning is not to get good at conditioning but to prepare yourself for the climb on Mount Kilimanjaro.

Our daily meditation practice is supposed to condition us for our daily worldly activities. For example, let’s say you buy a 10,000-piece Lego puzzle. That’s a lot of pieces and would take you a few days to complete for sure. Now you begin to organize your pieces in different piles first. Then you begin to build the puzzle. You spend say 30 minutes doing this. If you spend the next 23 ½ hours breaking what you have already built and mixing all the pieces you had separated what is the result? The next day, you will have a bigger challenge on your hand.

So when we meditate, we are trying to find that peace within us for sure. The bigger purpose however is to make sure that we carry that with us throughout the rest of our day. We want to be centered no matter what life throws at us. That is the real purpose of our meditation. Getting grounded within ourselves. If during our meditation practice say you had a rough time concentrating on a particular day. But after meditation is complete, you can be kind and loving towards everyone you come across. That is a successful mediation session. On the other hand, if you had a peaceful meditation where you came close to enlightenment but after the meditation session you have difficulty showing compassion towards anyone, that was an unsuccessful meditation session.

And of course, there are actual health benefits of meditation that we have discussed before. They include reduced stress, lower anxiety, improved self-awareness, and so on. In a nutshell, meditation leads to a peaceful mind. It puts us in a relaxed state of being both physically and mentally.

Before we begin our meditation I just want to remind everyone about the 10 x 10 practice we have discussed in the past. Try to take 10 deep breaths approx. 10 times every day. Each breath comes from your diaphragm. Put your hand on your stomach. As you breathe, your stomach should expand. So take a deep inhalation. You will feel your stomach expand. When you exhale, you deflate your stomach – they say to try to reach your spinal cord with your stomach.

Even if you are in the middle of a project, just stop and take 10 deep breaths. You can do this every hour – the easiest way to do this is to put an alarm on your phone so you have a reminder. When you take these breaths, be sure to focus on the sensation of your breath in your nostrils. I believe this will help you calm down in the middle of the day and will bring you can to your center if you are having a difficult day.

Being Mindful

It’s been a while since we talked about mindfulness. I thought we will revisit this topic a little more in-depth today. It seems to me that so much of our life happens in autopilot mode. We seem to be reacting more than making conscious choices more often than not. Let’s first look at what is mindfulness. In the simplest terms, mindfulness is being aware of our mind from moment to moment. It means being fully present in the moment – whatever that moment happens to be.

What does it mean to be mindful you may ask? Being mindful means being aware of our experiences, our thoughts, our senses, our emotions, and so forth. You know the age-old saying stop and smell the roses? The Smelling of roses is being mindful. If you are aware of your mind, your thoughts will not control you.

And here is an interesting point. If we are mindful, we are more relaxed. I know it sounds counterintuitive but when we pay attention to our inner workings, our body tends to get into a relaxed state of being. Our mind is relaxed and overall we feel lighter.

When we are being mindful, we are in present as opposed to dwelling on the past or thinking about the future. If we think about it, all of our delusions come from either dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. When we are doing that, we are paying inappropriate attention to our uncontrolled thoughts. Mindfulness is about here and now.

Mindfulness encompasses two key ingredients: awareness and acceptance. Awareness is the knowledge and ability to focus attention on one’s inner processes and experiences, such as the experience of the present moment. Acceptance is the ability to observe and accept—rather than judge or avoid—those streams of thought.

How do we practice mindfulness? The simplest thing to do is to pay attention. I know, sounds easy right? But for sure not easy to practice. Try to get all your senses involved. Oftentimes, when we eat, for example, we hardly take the time to smell the aroma, before we being to eat. Another way to practice mindfulness is to live in the moment. Enjoy the simple pleasures life has to offer. So often, we are bogged down in chasing one thing or another that we hardly enjoy what is already here. As they say, enjoy the journey, not the destination.

Yet another way to practice mindfulness is to appreciate yourself. I know sounds weird but we must treat ourselves at least as well as treat our best friend. Being non-judgmental is a wonderful way to practice mindfulness. When we are not judging, we are paying attention and when we are paying attention, we are being mindful. Patience is yet another way of practicing mindfulness. Sometimes, things just take more time than we would like. It’s OK. Being curious also helps us be mindful. When we are being curious, we have this fresh energy and we are paying acute attention. We are in the present moment not thinking about the past or the future because we want to learn.

Not striving for more also helps be mindful. You are probably wondering what has that to do with mindfulness. But when we are not striving, we are not in the anticipation of future. That in turn, keeps us in the present. Letting go of the past also helps us be mindful as it prevents us from dwelling on the past. Two other ways to be mindful are my favorites. Gratitude and generosity. When we practice gratitude, we are being mindful. When we practice generosity, we are being mindful as well.

We have discussed a lot of structured ways of practicing mindfulness over the past year including focusing on our breath, M A C meditation, empty sly meditation, savasana meditation, and others.

I think most of you know that mindfulness has several benefits including, lowering stress levels, reducing harmful ruminating, and protecting against depression and anxiety. A Harvard study suggests that mindfulness can help people better cope with rejection and social isolation (https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/less-stress-clearer-thoughts-with-mindfulness-meditation/).

I read somewhere that I thought put it beautifully. Mindfulness is the energy that helps us recognize the conditions of happiness that are already present in our lives. You don’t have to wait ten years to experience this happiness. It is present in every moment of your daily life. There are those of us who are alive but don’t know it. What a wonderful way to express it!

I hear a lot about I am not able to concentrate or I am not able to meditate and thoughts keep coming. I want to assure you that you are making a progress. Every time you notice that your mind wanders off and you try to bring it back, you are getting better at meditation. No matter how many times you have to bring your mind back (initially, it feels like that’s all we are doing), you are making progress. I can assure you it gets easier with practice. If you develop a regular practice say 10 minutes per day, before you know it, you will be able to focus on peace within you.

Keeping Ego In Check

Over the past couple of years, we have talked about the need to diminish our ego on and off. I thought today, we dedicate an entire episode to the ego. Before we talk about keeping our ego in check, we need to figure out how to know we have an ego problem. Now some people confuse ego with self-confidence. And there is a fine line between the two. So let’s start there.

What are the telltale signs of ego being mistaken as self-confidence? There are people who will listen to your point of view but will not put that into action. When we listen to a different point of view and seriously evaluate our position to see if our position needs to be modified, that is a sign of maturity. Changing our minds does not mean we lack self-confidence. Another sign is the lack of a feedback mechanism. If we are not prepared to get feedback upon completion means that we are not prepared to improve our processes. And this means self-criticism as well. It is important to review once a task is complete and to learn from it. I truly believe that everything can be improved and if we don’t have that attitude we will keep producing mediocre results. Another sign is that people say no to any new idea as soon as they hear it before they evaluate it. Their default answer seems to be NO. When a default answer is NO, you know that ego is taking over the person.

Now, look at some other signs that tell that you have an ego problem. One sign is that you compare yourself with everyone. If you cannot enjoy someone else’s success, you have an ego problem. Another sign is that you lack gratitude. We have talked about this before that gratitude helps diminishes our ego. Another sign of people with ego problems is that they take credit for other people’s work. They will somehow insert themselves into someone else’s success and make it all about how they made this happen!  Another sign is that you are always blaming someone else when things go wrong.

Now that we have identified some of the signs of ego problems, hopefully, we will keep an eye out for some of these things flaring up in our day-to-day life. But it is not enough to identify our ego problem, we need to do something about it.

There are a number of things we can do to keep our ego in check. One way to do this is not to take anything personally. If you let whatever is said or done to you at face value without taking it personally, it helps keep your ego in control. For example, if someone says something about our work that is negative, instead of taking it personally, if you realize that they are just being negative about the process or the product and no matter who was at this end you or someone else, they would be equally negative, you help keep the ego in check. I know it takes conscious effort because the response from the ego tends to be instant and automatic. This is where our mindfulness comes in handy.

Creating gratitude practice also is very important. It helps us thank people who do the smallest of things for us. It also helps us be thankful for things in our lives. Another way to help keep the ego in check is to know that you are not the best at everything. For most things you do, there is always someone who can do it just a little bit better. If we keep that in mind, it will help us keep our egos in check.

Eckhart Tolle said something interesting. He says the way to control ego is to go to that place within you that is still. Meaning no thoughts just consciousness. In other words, meditation! He recommends this practice when someone says something that is offensive or hurts your ego, just do nothing. If you do nothing and provide no response, your ego diminishes.

One thing I think helps above all others is to be mindful. If we are mindful of what we say, what we think, we can easily identify our ego problems and keep that in check. I was one of those people who had an ego the size of Texas. Although I have made some progress, it is a constant battle. One thing we must realize is that ego is a never-ending problem. We must keep looking out for our ego to flare up constantly because it will show up just when we let our guard down! It does become easier over time for sure to identify ego flaring up on the fly. But that takes a lot of practice.

I hope this helps with your day-to-day life in keeps your ego in check.