mindfulness – Page 4 – Meditative Man

Developing Compassion – Affectionate Love

We have talked about how it is best to try and develop compassion towards all living beings. It is easy to develop compassion towards people in our immediate circle (our family, our friends, etc.). But it is much harder to develop compassion towards someone we do not know. Ans harder still for someone in a faraway place. It’s like this when we hear about a natural disaster half a world away, we feel bad for sure but not enough to do something about it and help them. It happens in our region, we actually want to do something about it—maybe we send some money or consumables, etc. If that happens in our neighborhood, we roll up our sleeves and help as many people as we can. So how do we develop the same high level of compassion for all living beings?

Well, before we develop compassion toward everyone, we first need to have a love for them. If we have a love for someone in our hearts, developing compassion towards them becomes easy. So how do we develop love towards other random people and even people who do not care for us? Well, let’s start with types of love. There are three types of love. Affectionate love, cherishing love, and wishing love.

Here is from the book Universal Compassion: We can understand these by considering the following example. If a mother is reunited with one of her children after a long separation, she is very happy and feels great affection for her. This special feeling of affection is affectionate love. Out of affection, the mother considers her child to be very precious and wants to take special care of her. This special feeling of caring is cherishing love. Because she has affectionate love and cherishing love for her child, if she sees that she is unhappy she immediately wishes to restore her happiness. This wish for others to be happy and to help them to achieve happiness is wishing love.

So let’s break this down. In simplest terms, affectionate love is to like someone. If we are in a family and we have affection towards each other, life would be much smoother. Similarly, if we have affection towards our community, we will try to make sure that everyone in our community is free from suffering. This affectionate love brings harmony and peace to the community. The easiest way to develop affectionate love is to think about how no one wants to suffer. We know that we don’t want to have any suffering in life. Similarly, no one wishes to suffer for themselves. Once we understand that all beings want to be free from suffering, we will develop affectionate love toward them. A warm feeling in our hearts towards them. It is difficult to practice this by trying to show affectionate love towards everyone at once. So one should start by showing affectionate love towards a select few that would be easier – members of your family or close friends. Then expand the circle once you are comfortable.

Now, we need to be careful because a lot of times what people call love is more like attachment. For these people more the “love” increases, the more desirous attachment they develop. If the object of their “love” even talks to someone else, they get jealous or angry. This is not love. This is the attachment. Real love does not make one angry. So what is affectionate love? In the book How To Transform Your Life, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso outlines: when from the depths of our heart, without attachment, we feel very close, warm, and happy towards someone, this is affectionate love. It makes our mind peaceful and balanced, free from anger and attachment. Thus it is called “equanimity”.

Developing equanimity is like plowing a field—clearing our minds of the rocks and weeds of anger and attachment. That will make it possible for true love to grow. So how do learn to develop affectionate love? One way to develop this is to make an effort to be happy to see everyone. Whenever we see someone, we should be happy to meet them and try to generate a warm feeling towards them. If we are starting a meeting just before we get into the meeting room, we imagine all the people who are going to be in the meeting and try and generate a smile on our faces.

There are many benefits of meditating on affectionate love. Nagarjuna a great Indian scholar said that the biggest benefit of meditating on affectionate love for just one moment is that we accumulate greater merit than giving food three times to all the hungry people in this world! How wonderful!

Purifying Negative Karma

We had a request for this teaching so today, we want to discuss how to purify our negative Karma. Now, when we talk about past negative Karma, we are not only talking about this lifetime but all previous lives. By that standard, we have created enormous negative Karma. It is impossible to remove the fact that a negative action has been created. However, we can do something to prevent our negative actions to produce suffering. Every negative action can ripen in one of four possible ways: 1) the ripened effect; 2) the environmental effect; 3) the effect that is experience similar to the cause; and 4) the effect that is tendency similar to cause

What does that mean? Well, the ripened effect is when we end up as an animal. The environmental effect is we are born in a war zone. The effect that is experience similar to the cause is when we experience in our life similar pain. And effect that is a tendency similar to cause puts us in situations where we tend to create similar negative actions over and over again.

The first step in the preparation of purification is that when we are experiencing consequences of our negative Karma, in whatever form that may be in, we should realize that these consequences are due to our past negative Karma and we need to do whatever it takes to purify past negative Karma so we do not end up in this situations again and again.

Here is from the book Universal Compassion by Geshe Kelsang: Strong purification made every day over a long period of time will completely purify even the heaviest negative Karma; less powerful purification will slightly reduce our negativities, and a small amount of purification will prevent the power of the negative Karma from increasing. So any amount of effort we make is helpful.

There are four so-called opponent powers that help us purify negative Karma. They are 1) the power of regret; 2) the power of reliance; 3) the power of the opponent force, and 4) the power of promise.

Let’s look at each one. First is the power of reliance. The power of reliance purifies the environmental effect of negative action. It also subdues our negative karma in general. Most of the objects of our negative actions are other living beings. But at the same time, we have created negative actions against objects of refuge. The objects of our refuge whatever higher authority that we may believe in. Sometimes, we talk down the object of refuge or ridicule these objects. To remove these negative actions or purify these previous negative Karma, we need to develop a reliance on objects of refuge—whatever that may mean to us. This will allow us to generate compassion toward all living beings and that in turn will purify our negative Karma.

The next is the power of the opponent force. The power of the opponent force purifies the ripened effect of the negative karma. It is the direct opponent of negative karma. When we have remorse for a specific negative Karma, and if we apply the opponent to that negative action (antidote of sorts); it helps us purify our negative Karma. What is the opponent force you may ask? It is actually any virtuous action performed to purify a specific negative Karma. Similar to paying a fine for a traffic violation if you will!

The next is the power of regret. It purifies the effect that is experience similar to the cause. It also prevents the effects of negative karma from increasing. If we understand the dangers of suffering created by negative actions, we will develop sincere regret for having committed these actions. If we contemplate that we have created enormous amounts of negative Karma over our lifetimes and we will eventually have to suffer the consequences of that. By contemplating this way, we will develop remorse for our past negative Karma. If our remorse is sincere, we will be determined to prevent future negative Karma. This remorse is what is known as the power of regret. The more regret we generate, the more powerful our purification will be.

The next and final power is the power of promise. It purifies the effect that is a tendency similar to the cause. It also prevents us from repeating the negative karma. This is very important. In this phase, we are promising not to repeat past negative Karma. Without this promise, none of the other powers really work as well. This one power if applied effectively and regularly helps purify our negative Karma. There are types of negative Karma we can give up and promise never to commit again. There may be some negative Karma that we are not ready to give up and we can promise not to commit for a short period of time say a week or a month. We have talked about this before. If you are a fisherman, it is understandable not to promise to kill all living beings. But you can start with every living being except fish. Then later expand to no-killing fish for one day a week and so forth.

After learning all the consequences of our negative Karma, I think it is only appropriate for us to begin to apply these opponent powers to begin purifying our negative Karma. Hope this helps and that you can begin your purification practice in some small way.

Wisdom

As you may recall, we were discussing the six perfections before the holiday break. Today we will wrap up our discussion on the six perfections. The last perfection we are looking at is wisdom also known as judgment. It is our ability to discern what is real and what is not.

Wisdom is not same as the day to day intelligence. It is possible to have great intelligence but lack wisdom. What do I mean by that? Let’s look at some of the biggest weapons of war for example. People who develop these are for sure intelligent people but one could question their wisdom in developing those. I am sure you have heard about the biggest fraudsters in the world like the Madoff and the SBFs of the world. They sure are intelligent people but they certainly lack wisdom and as a result are challenged in discerning what is right and what is wrong.

There are three fundamental aspects of discernment: we must accept conventional reality; accept ultimate reality; recognize non-duality. Let’s look at this one at a time.

Conventional reality is a day-to-day reality. It is completely an internal mental representation. Meaning it is all playing out in our minds. For example, when we see something, actually our eyes see the image and that image is then inverted in the retina and then our mind interprets the image. This is true for all of our senses. Our mind interprets our sensations of touch, smell, etc. Human senses are limited. The human eye is capable of seeing only 1% of the light spectrum. So what we see is limited. Similarly, we cannot hear all the frequencies of sound. In addition, we are bound by emotional distortion that limits our ability to perceive. For example, when we are afraid, we see things that are not there and when we are distracted we don’t see things that are there. That is why eyewitnesses are notoriously unreliable.

Conventional reality depends upon cultural agreements if you will. We all agree on a set of rules that allows us to accept certain things as long as perception meets the function.

Part of conventional reality is to recognize that every cause produces similar effects in nature. The second assumption is that all effects have multiple causes and conditions. It is never a one-to-one relationship. There are multiple causes and conditions that have to come into place to manifest a particular effect. For example, when you buy a seed it does not create a plant. You need to plant it, put fertilizer in the soil, it needs rain or watering, sunlight, and so on. All of these causes and conditions must come into play for the seed to become a plant.

Ultimate reality is just like it says, the real truth. We don’t have direct access to ultimate reality but there are principles that we can understand. 1. There are no inherent characteristics. For example, being beautiful to one person would be different to someone else. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person finds attractive another person finds repulsive. It is always subjective. So the characteristics do not exist from its own side. All characteristics are imputed. Long, short, far, near, strong, weak, good, bad, large, small, all of these are subjective and are imputed. We should also however apply a functionality test on it. For example, killing is bad or good are both imputed but functionally, killing is bad because it is bad for the one who gets killed. 2. Interdependence of all beings and equality of all beings is a fact. Interdependence is the basis of all science. Without pollination, for example, there is no agriculture. So interdependence is a fact. Equality is a fact because each being feels they are important. So this makes us all equal. We all want to be happy. There is no question about it.

Non-duality means that ultimate reality is the basis of conventional reality – meaning they are not separate from each other. These are not separate concepts. We must have a basis for everything. Without basis, we cannot even have distortion. All beings share the same essence. Science tells us this. We all have at our core the same basic atomic structure. In the spiritual realm, we say all beings have the same soul or a very subtle mind.

Once we have these three basic components in mind, it becomes easy to discern. We accept what needs to be accepted, assume what needs to be assumed, and respect what needs to be respected. The combination of this wisdom is what gives us true perception. As we discussed in the past, the function of our mind is to perceive. Once we understand these basic principles, our perception becomes clear. Our judgment becomes clear and our decisions are better.

It is good to promote discernment in today’s world because people are susceptible to believing anything and everything without reason. One can choose to believe what one wants as long as one understands that it is just a belief and not based on truth.

Mental Stabilization

We have been discussing the six perfections for the past four weeks. Someone sent an email asking me what the purpose of six perfections was. The function of these six perfections is to make our lives smoother and with less friction. Today we will continue with this series and look at mental stabilization also known as concentration. What is concentration? Concentration is a mind whose nature is to single-pointedly focus on a virtuous object and whose function is to prevent distractions.

To understand this, it is important to look at what it is not. Concentration is not an act of will to force ourselves to focus on something or another. It is not like we say let’s focus on this pen. It is actually to eliminate that which does not belong. Here is a perfect example. I am sure you all have tried concentrated orange juice. It is simply the removal of water from the juice. Meaning removing water from the juice.

So there are several components of concentration. The first one is the stability of mental capacity. We have talked about this before the human mind is incapable of multitasking. What we call multitasking is rapidly switching from one task to another but it is not multitasking. Just like when we see a fan moving, the blades can seem like one because they are moving so fast. Similarly, multitasking is an illusion. Anything other than what you should be doing is a distraction such as texting and driving.

Part of concentration is not about narrowing our focus. Because when we narrow our focus we lose the context. So an aspect of concentration is actually to zoom out. When you talk about someone who is not with you and someone mentions a bad quality of the person who is not with them, the mind zooms in as to why that person is no good, and all of a sudden, that person becomes the worst person in the world in our mind. When we like or dislike something, we tend to justify it. When we try a new thing, a lot of times, we judge before we even try it. So it is not the object that is good or bad but our feeling towards it makes it good or bad. Once our feeling is set, we will follow the feeling as opposed to keeping the context.

A perfect example is when one falls in love. The person can do no wrong. They are not looking at context but just their feeling. Sometimes goes by and now they have a few arguments. All of a sudden the feeling towards the person changes and they can do no right! Everything they do annoys the person. Again, no context at all. No person is all good or bad. But it is the lack of context that makes things difficult.

Another element is to keep an eye on important vs urgent. We respond to emails all day long without regard to whether it is important or not. Urgent tends to distract your concentration from important. We have discussed this before as well and often we get hung up on urgent matters of the moment rather than keeping our focus on the larger goal.

Another aspect of concentration is stability for personal benefit.

Relaxation is very important for our personal benefit. Tension is distracting. When there is tension in any part of your body, it requires your attention. For example, if there is pain, our mind keeps going to that part of the body as opposed to being here and now. It is important to relax. Relaxation includes relaxation of the body and relaxation of the mind. When we are tense, we would trigger a flight, fight or freeze response within ourselves. We need to make decisions consciously rather than make reactive decisions. A reactive decision tends to be a mistake. Always perform a check to see if you are relaxed. We as a society don’t value relaxation but that is very important for our long-term health.

Interest is another quality that is needed for concentration. When we look at something, we don’t value differences between experiences. Sometimes we think we have already done something or experienced something, but there are always subtle differences. If we think it is the same, we are not paying attention and if we are not paying attention, we are not concentrating. So if we cultivate interest, it will increase our concentration. Because interest prevents us from being distracted. We need to develop a beginner’s mind towards everything that we are doing right now. Because a beginner’s mind is always interested. That means you are mentally present as opposed to in the past or the future.

Confidence is another quality for the development of concentration. Confidence in the certainty of one’s path. If not, you will not be putting in your full effort and lose concentration. Once you chose to take a path, remove all self-doubt. Every action is beneficial; you either accomplish what you wanted to or learn from the experience. Don’t let outsiders influence your decision and break your confidence.

As you can see, concentration is one of the important perfections and if we understand and apply it correctly, it is of great benefit.

Effort

Let’s continue with our series on six perfections. After discussing Giving, Patience, and Moral Discipline, in the past weeks; I thought we will discuss perfection of effort today. This is also known as vigor and enthusiasm. The effort is a mind that delights in virtue. The effort is not something we practice on its own. The effort is something we practice with all of our actions.

I am sure you have heard this expression that goes half of life is just showing up. I used to tell this to my kids all the time. All that means is to make sure that you are consistently showing up for what needs to be done. Keep giving your efforts without regard to short-term results or lack thereof.

Let me give you an example. When I came to the US, during the first semester, I was paying for all my expenses. As an international student, the fees are really high. So the goal for most international students is to receive a research assistant position where the University waives their tuition and pays them a small stipend on top of that. Within the first month of starting the semester, I started talking to professors about a potential research assistant position. One professor told me, he had a grant application out with the National Science Foundation and if it was approved, he would have two or three positions open. I would go visit the professor every two weeks to see if heard anything from the NSF. About two months later, one day I visited the professor and asked if he heard anything. To my surprise, he said, yes his application was approved and he would need three research assistants on that project. He said there were about ten students who were asking him for a position. Then he said something totally surprising. He said he was going to interview everyone for two of the position and he was offering me one of the positions. I thanked him and he went, do you know why I offered you this position? I had no clue. He explained that I was the only one, who was persistent, meeting him every two weeks, and wanted his lead researcher to be someone with that kind of drive. Who knew?

The point here is that no matter how many times you hear no, or fail, we must get up and move towards our goal.

Now to apply effort, we need to overcome three types of laziness: 1) procrastination; 2) attraction to what is non-virtuous; and 3) discouragement

What perseverance means is that we must become independent of internal and external influences when we are moving toward a goal. All of you are here listening to these meditation videos and attending sessions because something in you tells you that you want to become mindful. You want some level of mental peace and joy and bliss within you. if that is the goal then please make sure that you don’t get influenced by outside factors. You will have good meditation days and not-so-good meditation days. Some days you may feel like you met Buddha himself and other days, your mind is so wound up that nothing brings peace it seems. That is perfectly OK. With time, you will be able to get into a situation where no matter the external conditions, you will be able to bring your mind to peace.

What you want to avoid is I will start meditating once the kids are out of the house or I will focus once I retire and so on. These are just examples of procrastination. Essentially it is an unwillingness to put effort into what is meaningful to you. This is dangerous because this opportunity to practice is easily lost once we are distracted by other things.

The second type of laziness is when we do mundane things instead of what is meaningful to us. I call this busywork. There are so many people who stay busy for the sake of staying busy that it boggles my mind. When one is busy for the sake of busyness, you don’t have time to think about what is important and what would make you better or what would take you places.

The third type of laziness is discouragement. Don’t get discouraged because you think you are not making progress in your meditation practice. You are certainly making a progress. Even if you get 10 seconds of peace within you that is 10 seconds more than you had before.

There are three types of efforts: 1) armor-like effort which is a strong determination to succeed; 2) the effort of gathering virtuous actions which is the effort we apply to accumulate positive karma, and 3) the effort of benefiting others which is the effort we apply to help other living beings.

Another thing about effort is how we apply our effort. Some people begin their effort with huge fanfare and go full force to begin a task but then fizzle out after a while. This is called the waterfall effect. We want to be more like a river in our effort constantly flowing as opposed to intermittently applying effort.

Hope this is useful in your daily activities, especially your meditation practice.