Tag: meditation

Life vs Lifestyle

I recently read a statement from Sadhguru that goes something like try to create a happy life and not the lifestyle. I thought that was such an interesting point that we decided to dedicate our entire episode today to Life vs Lifestyle.
Before we continue though let’s look into what I mean by that and what is the distinction between the two. Life as we all know is our day-to-day living. Things we do every day from the moment we wake up to the time we go to sleep. Lifestyle on the other hand is mostly material things that we tend to gather or are looking to gather. Now, this also includes services and experiences so material things is a loose term here.

Most people today are trying to improve their lifestyle. And there is nothing wrong with that. There are billions of people on this planet for whom food on the table is a question mark. For them, lifestyle is extremely important. For some of them, there is no distinction quite frankly. But the rest of us for whom the food on the table is taken care of, we need to start focusing more on the life we are living today as opposed to the lifestyle that we are after. So many people are trying to get just a little bigger house, or a nicer car, or a better job, and on and on. But in going after that lifestyle, if you forget to live, that is where the disconnect happens.

We think about some future version of ourselves so many times a day but how many times a day do we check inside of ourselves to see if we are happy at that moment? When we are chasing a lifestyle, we are essentially predefining what “success” may look like. But instead, if we enjoy everything that life throws at us, we will make the most out of here and now. When we focus on the here and now, life becomes wonderful. You see, it is our focus on the past and the future that makes us miserable. I think I read somewhere that our mind always wants to dwell on the past or dream about the future. Lifestyle is mostly about dreaming about the future. Instead, let’s just enjoy what we have right in front of us. Enjoy being with your kids. Spend time helping them with homework. Go on a date night with your significant other. Fall in love all over again. There is so much joy in just being with people you love.

One thing I have learned over the years is that whenever I tried to chase something, it always kept running from it. It was when I never expected something, that things showed up in my life. Call it the right place at right time or call it Karma, but I have come to believe that chasing never worked for me. It is like the saying goes, stop trying so hard. If it is meant to be, it will happen.

Now that does not mean that you just give up on life. The exact opposite of that. Give 100% to whatever you do. But more importantly, enjoy every activity. If the activity does not bring you joy, time to find something else to do. Also though don’t expect any pre-determined outcomes. When we have a preconception of what the results should look like, that’s when things disappoint us.

How many people do you know that are chasing someone else’s dream? Everyone it appears is running after the same thing without knowing why and what they are chasing. It feels like a herd sometimes. I see this in Indian parents a lot. They all are working so hard to make sure that their kids will inherit a million dollars each. What is that about? I keep telling them, to do what’s right for them. Of course, give your kids the best education but beyond that, they have their Karma. Even if you give them a million dollars, if it is not in their Karma, they will lose it in a heart bit. So don’t chase for the sake of your kids. They would rather you go to every one of their games or the recitals.

I have heard this a lot, I am working towards security. No such thing my friends. Security is an illusion. You are secure if you think you are secure. It’s as simple as that. I know people who don’t feel financially secure with millions of dollars in their bank accounts.

I read something interesting while researching for this episode. The lottery industry makes $73 billion a year not because people love their life! Think about it. The richest country in human civilization and we spend that much money on lottery tickets! All because we want to chase that lifestyle.

Friends, do me a favor and make a habit of looking inside a few times a day. The best way to do this is to take some deep breaths. When we take a deep breath, we are able to check what is going on within ourselves. Put a smile on your face while you are at it. It does wonder for your health and your well-being.

Keeping Ego In Check

Over the past couple of years, we have talked about the need to diminish our ego on and off. I thought today, we dedicate an entire episode to the ego. Before we talk about keeping our ego in check, we need to figure out how to know we have an ego problem. Now some people confuse ego with self-confidence. And there is a fine line between the two. So let’s start there.

What are the telltale signs of ego being mistaken as self-confidence? There are people who will listen to your point of view but will not put that into action. When we listen to a different point of view and seriously evaluate our position to see if our position needs to be modified, that is a sign of maturity. Changing our minds does not mean we lack self-confidence. Another sign is the lack of a feedback mechanism. If we are not prepared to get feedback upon completion means that we are not prepared to improve our processes. And this means self-criticism as well. It is important to review once a task is complete and to learn from it. I truly believe that everything can be improved and if we don’t have that attitude we will keep producing mediocre results. Another sign is that people say no to any new idea as soon as they hear it before they evaluate it. Their default answer seems to be NO. When a default answer is NO, you know that ego is taking over the person.

Now, look at some other signs that tell that you have an ego problem. One sign is that you compare yourself with everyone. If you cannot enjoy someone else’s success, you have an ego problem. Another sign is that you lack gratitude. We have talked about this before that gratitude helps diminishes our ego. Another sign of people with ego problems is that they take credit for other people’s work. They will somehow insert themselves into someone else’s success and make it all about how they made this happen!  Another sign is that you are always blaming someone else when things go wrong.

Now that we have identified some of the signs of ego problems, hopefully, we will keep an eye out for some of these things flaring up in our day-to-day life. But it is not enough to identify our ego problem, we need to do something about it.

There are a number of things we can do to keep our ego in check. One way to do this is not to take anything personally. If you let whatever is said or done to you at face value without taking it personally, it helps keep your ego in control. For example, if someone says something about our work that is negative, instead of taking it personally, if you realize that they are just being negative about the process or the product and no matter who was at this end you or someone else, they would be equally negative, you help keep the ego in check. I know it takes conscious effort because the response from the ego tends to be instant and automatic. This is where our mindfulness comes in handy.

Creating gratitude practice also is very important. It helps us thank people who do the smallest of things for us. It also helps us be thankful for things in our lives. Another way to help keep the ego in check is to know that you are not the best at everything. For most things you do, there is always someone who can do it just a little bit better. If we keep that in mind, it will help us keep our egos in check.

Eckhart Tolle said something interesting. He says the way to control ego is to go to that place within you that is still. Meaning no thoughts just consciousness. In other words, meditation! He recommends this practice when someone says something that is offensive or hurts your ego, just do nothing. If you do nothing and provide no response, your ego diminishes.

One thing I think helps above all others is to be mindful. If we are mindful of what we say, what we think, we can easily identify our ego problems and keep that in check. I was one of those people who had an ego the size of Texas. Although I have made some progress, it is a constant battle. One thing we must realize is that ego is a never-ending problem. We must keep looking out for our ego to flare up constantly because it will show up just when we let our guard down! It does become easier over time for sure to identify ego flaring up on the fly. But that takes a lot of practice.

I hope this helps with your day-to-day life in keeps your ego in check.

Purifying Negative Karma

Over the past seven weeks, we discussed Karma and how it affects us all. During that discussion, a number of you asked that even if we stop creating negative Karma moving forward, how do we deal with the negative Karma we have already created in the past. I thought this was such an important point that today we want to discuss how to purify our past negative Karma.

Now, when we talk about past negative Karma, we are not only talking about this lifetime but all previous lives. By that standard, we have created enormous negative Karma. The first step in the preparation of purification is that when we are experiencing consequences of our negative Karma, in whatever form that may be in, we should realize that these consequences are due to our past negative Karma and we need to do whatever it takes to purify past negative Karma so we do not end up in this situations again and again.

Here is from the book Universal Compassion by Geshe Kelsang: Strong purification made every day over a long period of time will completely purify even the heaviest negative Karma; less powerful purification will slightly reduce our negativities, and a small amount of purification will prevent the power of the negative Karma from increasing. So any amount of effort we make is helpful.

There are four so-called opponent powers that help us purify negative Karma. They are: 1) the power of regret; 2) the power of reliance; 3) the power of the opponent force, and 4) the power of promise.

Let’s look at each one. First is the power of regret. If we understand the dangers of suffering created by negative actions, we will develop sincere regret for having committed these actions. If we contemplate that we have created enormous amounts of negative Karma over our lifetimes and we will eventually have to suffer the consequences of that. By contemplating this way, we will develop remorse for our past negative Karma. If our remorse is sincere, we will be determined to prevent future negative Karma. This remorse is what is known as the power of regret. The more regret we generate, the more powerful our purification will be.

Next is the power of reliance. Most of the objects of our negative actions are other living beings. But at the same time, we have created negative actions against objects of refuge. The objects of our refuge whatever higher authority that we may believe in. Sometimes, we talk down the object of refuge or ridicule these objects. To remove these negative actions or purify these previous negative Karma, we need to develop a reliance on objects of refuge—whatever that may mean to us. This will allow us to generate compassion towards all living beings and that in turn will purify our negative Karma.

The next is the power of the opponent force. When we have remorse for a specific negative Karma, and if we apply the opponent to that negative action (antidote of sorts); it helps us purify our negative Karma. What is the opponent force you may ask? It is actually any virtuous action performed to purify a specific negative Karma. Similar to paying a fine for a traffic violation if you will!

The next and final power is the power of promise. This is very important. In this phase, we are promising not to repeat past negative Karma. Without this promise, none of the other powers really work as well. This one power if applied effectively and regularly helps purify our negative Karma. There are types of negative Karma we can give up and promise never to commit again. There may be some negative Karma that we are not ready to give up and we can promise not to commit for a short period of time say a week or a month. We have talked about this before. If you are a fisherman, it is understandable not to promise to kill all living beings. But you can start with every living being except fish. Then later expand to no-killing fish for one day a week and so forth.

After learning all the consequences of our negative Karma, I think it is only appropriate for us to begin to apply these opponent powers to begin purifying our negative Karma. Hope this helps and you can begin your purification practice in some small way.

Positive Karma

We have been talking about Karma for the last few weeks. We discussed what Karma is, types of negative Karma, factors that influence how Karma ripens, and other topics. We will wrap up our Karma discussion in this session. Today, let’s talk about virtuous or positive Karma. There are three parts to this discussion. 1) ten virtuous Karma; 2) factors in the beneficial powers; 3) the effects of virtual Karma.

Positive Karma is a path that leads to happiness. Similar to ten negative actions, there are ten positive actions. They are essentially the opposite of ten negative actions. Each of the ten positive actions is to refrain from their respective negative action. They are abandoning killing, abandoning stealing, abandoning sexual misconduct, abandoning lying, abandoning divisive speech, abandoning hurtful speech, abandoning idle chatter, abandoning covetousness, abandoning malice, and abandoning holding wrong views.

To refrain deliberately from non-virtuous actions, having understood their danger is what is important for it to be a virtuous action. For example, when a baby does not steal does not mean that baby is practicing virtuous action because the baby does not understand the dangers of the effects of stealing. Let’s take killing as an example. Some people are able to take all living beings as their objects and try to abandon the killing of all living beings. This means insects on up. Some people say a fisherman whose job it is to catch fish may not want to do that initially. But they can take all objects except a fish and abandon the killing of those objects. They can then slowly introduce not killing a fish on weekends, at night and so forth slowly increasing these periods of time. Once we have made this decision as long as we remain mindful, our virtuous actions are being fulfilled. Just like non-virtuous actions, the more we perform a virtuous action, the more powerful it becomes.

All positive Karma also has three kinds of effects. The ripened effect, the effect similar to the cause, and the environmental effect. The ripened effect is taking birth in a higher realm such as human birth. Effects tendencies similar to virtuous actions allow us the opportunity to perform the same kind of virtuous actions over and over. As long as we don’t resist these tendencies, we will have an opportunity to add to our balance of virtuous actions. Experience similar to cause affords better living conditions. For example, an experience similar to abandoning killing is that we enjoy a long life; the experience similar to abandoning stealing is that we effortlessly accumulate wealth. Have you ever noticed some people tend to have a Midas touch and make money effortlessly in anything they try? That is an experience similar to the previous virtuous action of abandoning stealing. Experience similar to the action of abandoning sexual misconduct is that we have stable friendships and happier family life. The environmental effects of virtuous actions are opposite to the environmental effects of non-virtuous actions. It is important to point out that an environmental effect is not a quality of external conditions but the quality of the mind that experiences that. What do I mean by that? The same external conditions can be experienced as different environmental effects by different minds. For example, in a place where most people find the food good and nourishing, some people experience nausea and indigestion. Two people can take the same medicine and one of them can get an adverse side effect. So it is the individual Karma of each one of us that determines the environmental effect.

The object of virtuous action also affects the power of our actions. For example, if we give a pair of clothes to a hungry person, it counts. But, if we give them food, it is much more powerful. The motivation behind any action is also important. For example, we give something that we don’t have any need for counts. But if we give something with a wish to benefit someone is much more powerful. Actions are most powerful when they are directed toward someone who has been kind to us such as our parents. If we take a vow to take positive action, the action becomes more powerful. So if you are going to do it anyway, take a vow!

As you can see there is a lot to unpack here. Karma is a deep and profound subject. Hopefully, over the last few sessions, we have scratched the surface and all of us are beginning to think about the long-term effects of our day-to-day actions.

Karma

Continuing on our Karma series, let’s talk about the severity of negative Karma. Sometimes we feel that the response to our negative action is not proportional to the action itself. Not every negative Karma results in similar suffering. The degree of suffering depends upon the power of our actions.

This power depends upon six factors including 1) the nature of the action; 2) the intention; 3) the method; 4) the object; 5) how often the action is committed, and 6) the application of the opponent. Now let’s look at each one and understand what it means.

First the nature of the action. Some negative actions are more severe than others. We briefly touched on this during our previous sessions. For example, killing is a lot more severe than idle chatter. So if you recall the ten negative actions: killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, divisive speech, hurtful speech, idle chatter, and so forth; the degree of severity among them is in descending order. Meaning killing is the most severe and idle chatter is the least severe.

The next factor in suffering is intention. For example, to kill in a violent rage is more harmful than to kill in mild anger. But then I don’t who would kill in mild anger right? If we are lying for the sake of lying or lying to hurt someone has a different response when it comes to suffering. One is a lot more severe than the other.

The method is the next factor affecting suffering. How we perform that action. For example, killing an animal swiftly has less suffering attached to it than killing sadistically applying slow and painful death.

The object is also an important factor. If one kills someone who has been kind to them versus someone who is a total stranger, it has more severe implications. Similarly, if someone repeatedly commits the same offense, it has higher consequences as compared with a one-time offense.

The last factor is the application of the opponent. This means that when one commits negative action but along with that one also performs positive actions, then the severity of suffering is reduced.

Now let’s talk about the effects of our negative actions. There are three effects; 1) the ripened effect; 2) the effects similar to the cause and 3) the environmental effect. Let’s look at each one individually.

The ripened effect of a negative action is rebirth in one of the lower realms. For example, if a living being takes rebirth in the animal realm then the ripened effect of that particular negative action has occurred and will not show up again.

The effects similar to the cause have two types; a) tendencies similar to the cause and b) experiences similar to the cause. Tendencies similar to the cause is a compulsion. For example, we know that we are prone to certain types of negative actions even when realize it is wrong but instinctively, sometimes we end up committing those. This in turn creates more negative actions and creates this vicious cycle. Essentially, this effect makes it difficult for us to avoid rebirths in lower realms in the future. We essentially have a compulsion to certain negative behavior. You may have noticed that some kids tend to kill bugs and other insects. Tendency similar to sexual misconduct is being attracted to someone else’s partner. What we have here are tendencies that make one create negative actions that in turn will ripen in future sufferings. 

Experiences similar to the cause are different for each negative action. For example, an experience similar to the cause of killing is a short life full of sickness. By killing, we shortened another being’s life so we are experiencing ill health or shortened life as a result. Experience similar to stealing is a lack of wealth and possessions. Experience similar to sexual misconduct is separation from friends and family. Experience similar to cause for lying is that no one trusts us; divisive speech is difficulty creating harmonious relationships, hurtful speech is people say bad things about us; idle chatter is that no one takes us seriously. Experience similar to covetousness is that our desires are not fulfilled; malice is that we are prone to fear, and holding wrong views is that we have great confusion.

The third effect of a negative action is the environmental effect. This means that it is our living environment that is affected. For example, the environmental effect of killing is poverty; stealing is we live in a barren area; sexual misconduct is we live in unsanitary conditions. The environmental effect of lying is that we live in a place where people cheat and are deceptive; divisive speech is that we live in a place that is hard and inhospitable; hurtful speech is that we live in an area with dense undergrowth that can sting our body; idle chatter is that we live in a place where crops don’t grow. The environmental effect of covetousness is that we live in a place where resources are easily destroyed; malice is that we live in a war zone; holding a wrong view is that we live in a place that lacks water and other basic necessities.

So as you can see negative actions ripen in different ways. To sum up, the worst way it can ripen is birth in lower realms such as the animal realm. Effects similar to cause give us tendencies to perform similar negative actions or provides poor life experiences. The environmental effect makes our surroundings difficult. So that concludes our discussions on negative Karma. Next week, we will begin to look at positive Karma and its effects.