Tag: meditation

Q: When I meditate, before I can even label the thought, the next one comes in. So there is this constant flow of thoughts that does not allow me to concentrate.

A: This happens when our mind is agitated and we have not settled down in our hearts. The best way to approach this is to stop and go back to the sensation of our breath. If your mind is muddled for some reason, spend more time on breath sensations. This will allow the mind to settle down. Just like when you have a muddy water glass, you need to let it sit for the soil to settle down at the bottom and the glass to be clear.

The root of all evil: Self-Cherishing & Self-Grasping Ignorance

Now that the holidays are over, let’s examine what brings delusions in our lives and how to reduce them. I am sure during the holiday season, most of you at some point confronted your delusions. These come in any form such as anger, jealousy, hatred, attachment, ignorance, greed, etc. If we look at the root of our delusions, usually it boils down to Self-Cherishing and Self Grasping Ignorance.

Self-cherishing is a mind that thinks “I am important”. Self-Cherishing is nothing but a belief that our happiness, our comfort, our views, our thought process is superior to that of the other person. In other words, it is the same a supremacy. Let’s explore this a little. When we have a disagreement with someone it is because we consider our opinion to be superior to that of another person. Because of our ego or “me” delusion, all of our viewpoints are tainted. If we have tinted windows on our car, everything outside looks of that color. Look at all the wars in the world; they are rooted in this belief of supremacy. Let me tell you an interesting story. A few years ago, I was getting a massage. My masseuse asked me how my day was going. I casually mentioned I was dealing with some not so competent insurance people. Out of nowhere, she said do you think you are smarter than everyone else? I said most days I have this Smartest Person In The Room syndrome. What she said next was very profound. She said the universe gives you what you want. You want to be the smartest person so it sends you people who are not as up to speed! I thought it was a unique way to look at the world. But in essence, it was supremacy that was bringing frustration. Geshe Kelsang Gyasto put it wonderfully; “The moment we let go of our obsessive concern for our own welfare, our mid naturally relaxes and becomes lighter.”

The second reason we experience our delusions is Self-Grasping Ignorance. It is just a fancy way of saying we grasp at ourselves and its inherent existence. When we talk about wisdom teachings we will dive deep into inherent existence. Self-grasping ignorance is also known as separation. We have created this boundary around us separating ourselves from other living beings. This is similar to a saying that goes; my cold is worst than yours because it is happening to me! If we erase the boundaries around us, the world would be a much better place. How so? Let’s look at it. We strongly identify with ourselves and grasp it so tightly that nothing is more important than our I. If our boundary only includes us then we focus on our happiness over all else. If our boundary includes our family then all of a sudden we are willing to make little sacrifices for the greater good of our family. Most people stop there. If we all begin to erase boundaries around our community we would all try our best to make sure everyone in our community is better off. If you think about the war analogy I just pointed out, it also applies here. There are wars because there is separation. We all identify strongly with something or other. Man, Woman, American, Indian, Republican, Democrat, Black, White, Brown, Hindu, Christian, Jew, so on and so forth. The politicians of the world are actively creating more identities based on race, gender, and so forth. We are actively trying to divide the world instead of uniting it. That causes delusions.

In other words, if we begin to identify a little less with ourselves and start erasing boundaries around us to include more living beings, we will begin to notice that our delusions are decreasing. Similarly, if we reduce our self-cherishing, we will reduce our delusions.

Stress Less

As the holidays are fast approaching, we are getting into the most stressful season of the year in the Western world. So today let’s discuss how to keep the stress at bay and more importantly, how to make sure that you keep your mental peace amid all the chaos.

Before we talk about tackling stress, let’s discuss how stress originates in our body. Stress comes from trying to control people and situations. Getting other people to behave our way is not really working and is never effective. The only thing we can control for sure is our mind. There will be always things to worry about. So if wait for things to settle down, we will be waiting for eternity. Our thoughts carry us all over the place and they bring stress in our lives. If we gain mastery over our mind and thoughts, we find deep peace. Our mind is like a crazy wild elephant. It destroys everything on its way, it thinks about scary thoughts that will most likely never materialize. Someone put it nicely, anxiety and worries are misuses of the imagination.

But we live in the real world so there will always be things out of our control. If we learn to control our reactions to situations, we will be able to avoid stress and bring happiness and peace. In that spirit, I found this stress handling quadrant. I am going to share this document on the screen. This document is courtesy of Tashi Nyma a Buddhist Monk out of Dallas, Texas. No need to copy this document – I will email you a copy at the end of this session. Those of you who are watching this on our YouTube channel or on LinkedIn, please email meditatedenver@gmail.com and I will email you a copy of this document.

As you can see, this is called the Four Quadrant Practice. The first quadrant is Avoid. We want to avoid as many situations as we can that can create stress in our life. For example, is looking at our phone 10 times an hour really necessary? Once people start looking at their phones, all kinds of stressful situations arise. They say an average American looks at their phone 96 times per day. That is insane!! Going on social media all day is another one of those things that we can avoid. What I found helpful was to limit my social media interactions to twice a day. And I am trying really hard not to get into an argument on social media. I limit checking my emails three or four times per day. Again, it is different for everyone but no one expects you to respond within minutes.

The next quadrant is Adjust. Let’s adjust our behavior to avoid stressful situations. For example, because I am in a High-Risk COVID group, I started getting stressed out when COVID increased in the last two months about shopping. So we adapted to a 100% online or curbside pickup model for the last 6 weeks. It eliminated all the unnecessary stress. You might want to limit the duration of meetings if that stresses you out.

The next quadrant is to Adapt. We adapt to the situations that we can avoid or adjust to. For example, you may not be able to avoid a meeting with that annoying coworker. Take some deep breaths before you begin the meeting. Go for a walk if you have an option.

The last quadrant is Accept. This is if all fails kind of category. Accept that you have to take that meeting and it may go bad. Prepare yourself and change your attitude towards it. There is no reason an external situation should give you stress. Train your mind. Essentially, this is what we started the session with.

So as you can see, there are ways to stay out of stressful situations. We must make sure that what the world brings does not need to disturb our internal peace. Hopefully, with some practice, we can all experience that peace within. I would like you to do this exercise as homework with the worksheet. It would certainly make you think if nothing else.

Mindful Speech

Some people talk a lot and others tend to be quiet. But all of us have a constant chatter in our mind this inner speech. So let’s discuss mindful speech both inner and outer. We briefly talked about asking ourselves Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? Before we post anything on social media in Episodes 7 and 9. So let’s take this a little further. When we have any kind of communication with someone else, we must ask ourselves; is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? The answer to any one of these is negative, we should try and refrain from that speech. A speech can be any communication method be it social media, email, verbal, nonverbal, etc. This will help us bring a level of kindness to the world. More importantly, it will allow us to be less judgmental as we tend to judge everyone except ourselves all day long. It will also hopefully help us avoid exaggerated language. Because of the influence of marketing in modern society, we have all adopted this language of exaggeration. Either it is the best or the worst nothing in between. Do we really “love” that slice of pizza? Without that our life is somehow going to be incomplete? Is it really a slice of heaven? Do we even know what heaven looks like? If someone does not give us something, is it really ruining our life? My personal favorite is To Die For. Really? Will you die for that sweater? If we begin to pay attention to what we communicate, we will be able to avoid a lot of this.

Paying attention to our communication is great. But, if you think about it, the majority of all of our speech is internal. We talk to ourselves more than we talk to anyone else. We think about things that happened or things that may never happen. So let’s start to develop a habit. When we catch ourselves having an internal dialogue, we should ask ourselves; is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Helpful? Is it Kind? And again, if the answer to any one of these is No, let’s just stop that internal dialog and try to just be without thinking anything. Personally, I find it helpful to ask Is it Necessary? Every time, the answer seems to be No and I stop that internal dialog. One useful tip is to use our MAC technic here as well. If we are alert looking out for this internal dialog, we will then can be mindful in asking the question so that we can stop that internal dialog. You will be amazed at how your day improves just by keeping a tab on your internal dialog. Some people ask if we should continue if the dialog is positive. In general, we want to avoid that internal dialog as it may start out positive but as you all know, our mind wonders and can get the negative drift anytime. If we make a sincere practice to scan for our internal speech, we will be able to tame our mind a lot faster and our meditation practice will improve as well.