love – Meditative Man

Root Delusions

We will continue with our series on understanding our mind. We talked about virtuous minds over the last two sessions. Today, let’s get into delusions. There are six root delusions from which all of our delusions arise. They are desirous attachment, anger, deluded pride, ignorance, deluded doubt, and deluded view. Let’s look at all of them.

Desirous attachment is a mental factor that observes a contaminated object, considers as a cause of happiness, and desires it. It is not the same as desire. It is good to have desire. For example, a desire to attain liberation, or develop compassion. A desirous attachment on other side, remembers an object, finds it attractive, exaggerates it’s good qualities, and desires it. There is a difference between desirous attachment and love. Love is unconditional, it has not strings attached. It is a completely virtuous state of mind. Desirous attachment could be for past objects, present objects, and future objects. Say you remember a fond memory with a friend. Out of desirous attachment, we long to meet with them. This often comes out from nostalgia. Example of present object are, out of attachment, wishing for the pleasures we enjoy to last forever. Example of future object are, out of attachment, wishing to meet an attractive partner, or acquire wealth.

To remove desirous attachment, we need to meditate on renunciation and emptiness. These are long term solutions. Until we achieve that, way to remove desirous attachment is to contemplate faults of an object and applying appropriate opponent powers. Why is it important to remove desirous attachment? Because desirous attachment keeps us in samsara. Because of desirous attachment, we keep creating karma that in turn keeps us in samsara.

The next delusion is anger. Anger is a mental factor that observes a contaminated object, considers it undesirable, exaggerates its bad qualities, and wishes to harm it. Anger is divided into nine parts, anger directed towards someone that harmed us in the past, someone who is harming us now, someone who may harm us in the future, someone who harmed our friends in the past, someone who is harming our friends right now, someone who may harm our friends in the future, someone who helped our enemy in the past, someone who is helping our enemy now, and someone who may help our enemy in the future. We can permanently eradicate anger by realization of emptiness. Temporarily, we can abandon anger by meditating on peace and love.

The next delusion is deluded pride. It is a mental factor that exaggerates our own good qualities and develops arrogance. It is an inflated view of ourselves that arrives as a result of our own qualities such as our knowledge, our wealth, our beauty, our strength, our education, and so forth. Simply being aware of our qualities that may be better than others is not deluded pride. It may be just recognition of truth. Deluded pride arises when our mind is “puffed up” with an exaggeration of our own importance. The way to remove deluded pride is to recognize its faults. Two faults with deluded pride are it causes us to disrespect others and it prevents us from making progress. They say an evil person can be tamed by Dharma but a proud person cannot.

The next delusion is ignorance. It is a mental factor that is confused about the nature of an object and functions to induce wrong awareness or doubt. For example, if we mistake toy snake for a real snake, we have ignorance of the nature of the toy snake. The fundamental ignorance is the ignorance of the nature of the phenomena. It is the root of all samsara problems. We can also have ignorance of karma, and ignorance of emptiness. Antidote to ignorance is wisdom. We can develop wisdom by listening to Dharma, contemplating on them, and meditating on them.

The next delusion is deluded doubt. It is a two pointedness in mind that interferes with attainment of liberation and enlightenment. Essentially, it is a mind of uncertainty that cannot decide between two alternatives. It is uncertainty about Dharma topics that causes our faith to decline and disturbs our peace of mind. If we have doubt about Dharma topics, rather than have them linger in our mind, we should work to resolve those by reading books, asking questions to qualified teachers, and discussing with fellow students.

The last delusion is deluded view. It is view that functions to obstruct attainment of liberation. There are two types of views. Correct view, and incorrect view. Deluded views by definition are incorrect views.

Hope all this makes sense and you try to eliminate delusions from your lives.

Power of Wisdom

Before the break, we talked about how compassion and wisdom are the two pillars of Buddha’s sutra teachings. So today, let’s discuss wisdom. If you think about a relationship, that’s it, isn’t it? If you can remove disharmony using wisdom, your relationships are perfect.

One of the verses goes when I associate with others, I will consider myself lower and hold everyone supreme. So the best way to do this is to familiarize ourselves with Cherishing all living beings by putting our determination to cherish them into practice.

So, through thinking about the kindness of others, the benefits of cherishing others what happens is we make a determination I want to cherish others, I want to love others. We have talked about this before, that what we end up doing every day depends upon what we wish for. It all starts with intention. If we develop that wish to love everyone then we will slowly start practicing that and grow our love for other living beings. It just will happen naturally.

It is perfectly possible to do this because we have the seed of universal love. We have Buddha Nature, which means we’ve always had the potential to grow our love, expand our love, and deepen our love, to every single person.

The main reason why we do not cherish all living beings as explained in the book Mirror of Dharma, is we’re so preoccupied with ourselves. This leaves very little room in our minds to appreciate others. So therefore if we wish to cherish others sincerely, we have to reduce our obsessive self concern.

Sad to break it to you but our self-cherishing, obsessive self concern is the source of all disharmony.

Everywhere we look, our mind is polluted by this surface of self-concern. It just alters everything we see. You know, we can’t actually see what’s going on because we’re so obsessed with ourselves. And that’s just reflected in our minds. So why is it? Why is it that we regard ourselves as so precious, but not others? I am just one person others are countless. Why are we so obsessed about it? Me? Me, me?

One major reason is we’re so familiar with thinking about ourselves, it’s a familiarity of habit.

And the Geshe-la says, Why because we’re so familiar with self-cherishing we’re very familiar with an attitude that puts ourselves first. We have been doing it since beginningless time in our lives, which is why we’re still circling in suffering. Since the beginningless time we have grasped at a truly existent I this is the root of it. So a truly existent I is an I that exists from its own side. But basically, we have two ego minds that are the very kind of root of all our problems. And one is called self-grasping, meaning we’re grasping at a self that exists from its own side.

We think there’s a real me or real I and we think everyone else is not me or either other or self or there are also other or them or you know, him or her or something like that. We have done this experiment before. Show of hand where is the me in this room? Everyone of us think we are that me and everyone else is something other than me right? Now if the I was inherently existent, it would be same for all of us. But it’s not.

So it’s only our ignorance that thinks I’m really me, and everyone else is really other. Because I have this sense of real me, I then think that this me is more important than all the other me’s. So I’m more important than you just as simple as that.

We spend so much time contemplating our real or imagined good qualities that we become oblivious to our faults. So, in reality, our mind is full of gross delusions, but we ignore them and may even fool ourselves into thinking that we do not have such repulsive minds, like pretending there’s no dirt in our house after sweeping it, under the rug. So when we think about our own faults and delusions, the reason we do this is with the view of getting rid of them right not to feel bad about ourselves. Because these faults and delusions, as most of you know, are not intrinsic to our mind, these delusions are like salt, for example, salt, in salty water, they’re not the actual nature of the water, we can get rid of them. We don’t want to identify with our faults and limitations. We do have to realize our faults and limitation but not identify with them if that makes sense.

But Geshe Geshe-la says it is often so painful to admit that we have faults that we make all types of excuses rather than alter our results view of ourself, and one of the most common ways of not facing up to our own faults is to blame others. For instance, we have a difficult relationship with someone. We naturally include that it’s entirely their fault. That’s true, isn’t it? They should really change, you know. And then we’ll be so happy. Anyway, good luck with that. Because you know, it’s hard to change even one person, it’s impossible to change anyone other than ourselves, to be honest, and it’s definitely hard to change everybody.

So we naturally conclude it’s their fault, we’re unable to accept that it is at least partly our fault when we have difficult relationships. So instead of taking responsibility for our actions, or making effort to change our views or our behavior, get rid of our faults. We argue with them insists as they who must change an exaggerated sense of our own importance thus leads to a critical attitude towards other people makes it almost impossible to avoid conflict. And I think we’re seeing that in the world today, too. So the fact that we’re oblivious to our faults does not prevent other people from noticing them and pointing them out. But when they do we feel that they’re being unfair. So unfair.

This is self cherishing. That arises from self grasping ignorance. Our inherently existing self. This is the source of all our disharmony. If we learn to remove that, our relationships become easier. Life becomes frictionless. It just flows all of a sudden.

The 16 Breath Meditation

Today I want to talk about what is known as 16 breath meditation. Buddha taught this meditation in his early days and they say if you follow it, that has all the ingredients to be liberated. It is also known as Full Awareness of Breathing meditation. It allows one to generate mindfulness and develop awakening.

Here is how we practice this:

The First Breath: Breathing in a long breath, I know I am breathing in a long breath, breathing out, I know I am breathing out a long breath.

The Second Breath: Breathing in a short breath, I know I am breathing in a short breath, breathing out, I know I am breathing out a short breath.

Explanation: These two breaths remove forgetfulness and unnecessary thinking. This generates mindfulness and allows us to be in the present moment.

The Third Breath: Breathing in, I am aware of my whole body. Breathing out, I am aware of my whole body.

Explanation: This breath puts us in touch with our body making us aware of every part of our body.

The Fourth Breath: I am breathing in and making my whole body calm and at peace. I am breathing out and making my whole body calm and at peace.

Explanation: This breath allows us to realize the calmness and peace in the body and puts body and mind in harmony.

The Fifth Breath: I am breathing in and feeling joyful. I am breathing out and feeling joyful.

The Sixth Breath: I am breathing in and feeling happy. I am breathing out and feeling happy.

Explanation: These two breaths create joy and peace that nourishes body and mind. Happiness and joy arise naturally within you. By being mindful, you are able to transform neutral feelings into joyful feelings.

The Seventh Breath: I am breathing in and am aware of the activities of my mind. I am breathing out and am aware of the activities of my mind.

The Eighth Breath: I am breathing in and making the activities of my mind calm and peaceful. I am breathing out and making the activities of my mind calm and peaceful.

Explanation: These two breaths allow you to look at all the feelings that arise within you whether pleasant, neutral or unpleasant. They enable you to look at these feelings deeply into their roots and nature and make your feelings calm and at peace.

The Ninth Breath: I am breathing in and am aware of my mind. I am breathing out and am aware of my mind.

The Tenth Breath: I am breathing in and making my mind happy and at peace. I am breathing out and making my mind happy and at peace.

The Eleventh Breath: I am breathing in and concentrating my mind. I am breathing out and concentrating my mind.

The Twelfth Breath: I am breathing in and liberating my mind. I am breathing out and liberating my mind.

Explanation: With these four breaths, you recognize all states of the mind—perceptions, thinking, discrimination, happiness, sadness, and doubt. It allows you to observe the activities of the mind and release obstacles of the mind.

The Thirteenth Breath: I am breathing in and observing the impermanent nature of all phenomena. I am breathing out and observing the impermanent nature of all phenomena.

The Fourteenth Breath: I am breathing in and observing the fading nature of all phenomena. I am breathing out and observing the fading nature of all phenomena.

The Fifteenth Breath: I am breathing in and concentrating on liberation. I am breathing out and concentrating on liberation.

The Sixteenth Breath: I am breathing in and focusing on letting go. I am breathing out and focusing on letting go.

Explanation: With these four breaths, we observe true nature of Dharma. First with observation of impermanent nature of phenomena, then with observation of fading nature of phenomena, then contemplating liberation and finally contemplating letting go. Hope this all makes sense and as we develop your practice, you are able to perfect this over time.

How To Uproot Disharmony

I attended a wedding over the long weekend. It was a joyous occasion, full of love. That got me thinking. How can we keep all of our relationship joyous and full of love like it was the first day of a union? If we think about any relationship, it seems that if you remove whatever disharmony there may be, once you remove that, the relationship becomes smooth. You can feel the love in that relationship. So today, I want to talk about how to uproot disharmony in our relationships.

In one of the books, I read a verse that goes when I associate with others, I will consider myself lower and hold everyone supreme.

Just to be clear, we are not talking about being like a doormat when we consider ourselves lower. What we are talking about is not putting ourselves as a center of attention. We usually are me centric if you will. Our needs, wants, and happiness must come ahead of everyone else’s. I love you as long as it does not disturb my comfort is our typical attitude. And we’re now shifting that attitude so that we get over our egocentric self-importance or self-cherishing. Our self-cherishing is where all our delusions come from, all our anger, our attachment, fear, or anxiety, all our selfishness, all our negative actions, all our suffering. So this self-cherishing is the source of our disharmony. That is the reason we are cycling around in what’s called the samsara cycle of impure life, because of this ego mind, grasping at a self or me, that doesn’t exist.

Geshe Kelsang Gyatso says that our self-cherishing, our obsessive self-concern is like a mountain in front of the valley of cherishing others loving others. If you have ever been to Vail Valley from Denver, you know what he is talking about. There is this beautiful valley that you cannot see until you cross the mountain in front of it. Just like that, we cannot see the vast valley of cherishing others because of this mountain of self-cherishing.

One major reason is we’re so familiar with thinking about ourselves, it’s a familiarity of habit. We have been doing it since beginningless time in every life, which is why we’re still circling in suffering. Since beginningless time, we have grasped a truly existent I this is the root of it. So a truly existent I is an I that exists from its own side. But basically, we have two ego minds that are the very kind of root of all our problems. And one is called self-grasping, meaning we’re grasping at a self that exists from its own side.

We think there’s a real me or real I and we think everyone else is not me or either other or self or there are also others or them or you know, him or her or something like that. We have done this experiment before. Show of hand where is the me in this room? Every one of us thinks we are that me and everyone else is something other than me right? Now if the I was inherently existent, it would be the same for all of us. But it’s not.

So since we regard ourselves or I as so very precious and important, we exaggerate our own good qualities and develop an inflated view of ourselves.

We spend so much time contemplating our real or imagined good qualities that we become oblivious to our faults. It is often so painful to admit that we have faults that we make all types of excuses rather than alter our results view of ourselves, and one of the most common ways of not facing up to our own faults is to blame others. For instance, we have a difficult relationship with someone. We naturally include that it’s entirely their fault. That’s true, isn’t it? They should really change, you know. And then we’ll be so happy. Because you know, it’s hard to change even one person, it’s impossible to change anyone other than ourselves, to be honest, and it’s definitely hard to change everybody.

So we naturally conclude it’s their fault, we’re unable to accept that it is at least partly our fault when we have difficult relationships. So instead of taking responsibility for our actions, or making an effort to change our views or our behavior, get rid of our faults. We argue with them and insist that they must change an exaggerated sense of our own importance thus leading to a critical attitude towards other people making it almost impossible to avoid conflict. So the fact that we’re oblivious to our faults does not prevent other people from noticing them and pointing them out. But when they do we feel that they’re being unfair. So unfair.

This is self cherishing. That arises from self-grasping ignorance. Our inherently existing self. This is the source of all our disharmony. If we learn to remove that, our relationships become easier. Life becomes frictionless. It just flows.

How To Feel Less Frustrated

We have been talking about inner peace and happiness lately. I received a call from my second cousin over the weekend. He said I get all this but life is frustrating. That got me thinking. How about we find a way to feel less frustrated? So today, we are going to talk about how to feel less frustrated.

We have talked about how it is possible to feel happy all the time. That we have this Buddha nature our golden nugget if you will. That our root mind is naturally peaceful. But even then, we get this unhealthy thoughts, the thoughts that make us unhappy, thoughts that get us into negative states of mind. What we are calling delusions. Anger, jealousy, frustration, and so forth. Usually, these delusions arise from inappropriate attention. What does that mean you ask? Well, it means focusing our attention on a faulty situation or in a faulty way. And when our mind is not thinking these negative thoughts, our mind is peaceful.

So key it seems to me is to find a way to identify our delusions and figure out a way to get rid of them. Sounds simple right? The book How To Transform Your Life actually deals with the delusion of aversion that includes frustration including the feeling of being overwhelmed and feeling of not being able to accept what is going on. Have you ever had a day where you feel like you were fighting all day? Actually, reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my tenants. I had a dentist as a tenant in our office building 20 years or so ago. Before he left for the day, usually he would stop by my office just to chat. I would ask how his day was and at least once a week, he would say they won today Nirav. You see, for him, it was always a battle between him and his patients. He was always in a reactive mode. If they said X, he would say Y, and so on.

So when we react in this reactive mode, with the aversion, oh, no, no, I hate this. I don’t like this. We’re fighting it. At that point, we have already lost because we’re fighting, right? So we go around, not liking things a lot and not liking people a lot. And actually, it just makes us unhappy. And it’s not in accordance with reality. It’s a distorted way of thinking about ourselves and the world and the people in the world, what’s going on.

So in general, we can understand that frustration, dislike, hatred, aversion, all of them just different names for anger by the way; is one of the most common and destructive of our delusions and afflicts us almost every day. The reason why there are so many problems in our world. Imagine if the world if no one ever got upset, angry, or hated each other, then many of the world’s problems would disappear, like immediately right? There wouldn’t be a war in Europe, there would be wouldn’t any fighting, and there wouldn’t be any people killing each other harming each other, yelling at each other. All, that would go away if people liked each other.

To solve the problem of anger, we need to first recognize it, within our own mind, and acknowledge how it’s harmful. Anger is really when we just don’t accept something we don’t like. That’s it. Now there are degrees of it from mild irritation to grumpy to full-throttle rage. It’s all on the same spectrum. In the simplest terms, anger is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object. It then exaggerates its bad qualities. And as a result, it wishes to harm it. Take our partner for example. They have a lot of good qualities otherwise we would not be together. But they did not take the trash out and all of a sudden, we just see all the faults they have and exaggerate and get angry at them. We forget about all the good qualities of why we are together. We don’t think that maybe they were busy with other things or they may have something going on that occupied their mind and so on. Nope, we feel wronged and get angry. This is an unpeaceful state of mind.

At that point, the idea is not to accept what is going on in our minds but practice patience. We need to practice patient acceptance of the situation. If we feel bad, we accept that it is there and realize that whatever is arising in our mind is our delusion and that it’s not us. Remember the golden nugget we keep talking about? We need to realize that this is just the dirt on that golden nugget and that we are that peaceful person. Now once the delusion arises it is difficult to push back. So the idea is to get in just when is arising before it develops and starts exaggeration and distortion. Because once the anger is here full-blown, there is nothing we can do about it. So that is why we have to get in early and put our minds somewhere else. So we don’t put exaggeration into it. So for example, in the case of taking out trash, instead of thinking, okay, they never do this. We get in there we think okay, let me just think five good things about this person. This is an incredibly practical way to stop full-blown irritation and anger arising, we think five good things about that person. Know that I can’t think of five good things right now. Okay, try three. Okay, three. No, can’t even think of three good things right now. Okay. Well, in that case, try one, and well, I can’t even think of one well make one up. You know, the dog loves him. That’s enough. Anything to like to derail the anger train, you know, just not let it get full steam ahead. Because it’s based on that exaggeration, or we call it inappropriate attention. We could think I don’t have to exaggerate, distort, or make this person intrinsically evil. And if we learn to do that, then there’s no repression required. The anger just doesn’t arise in the first place.