generosity

Giving

Today is Colorado Gives Day. So what better time to discuss Giving than today? As you know, we have been discussing six perfections for the past couple of weeks. After Gratitude, this is my favorite topic. Let’s talk about another perfection—Giving in today’s session.

Giving is a virtuous mental intention to give. It can also be helping with bodily or speech actions with the mental intention to give. There are three types of giving: 1) giving material things; 2) giving Dharma or spirituality; 3) giving fearlessness.

If we have difficulty giving material things, it helps to think about the disadvantages of miserliness. Miserliness is a tight, uncomfortable mind, that leads to isolation. Giving on the other hand is a joyful mind that leads to abundant resources in the future. There is no point in clinging to our possessions because wealth acquires meaning only when it is given away or used for the benefit of others.

There are many benefits of generosity. When we give away material things, it reduces our attachment to the material world. According to a Canadian research study, generosity can reduce blood pressure, reduce depression, reduces stress, decreases anxiety, and more. Generosity also improves our relationship with the people around us. When we give, we are creating positive momentum and hope it catches on and other people carry on with that torch.

I saw an interesting research piece from the John Templeton Foundation on generosity. They found that people who give on their own accord, tend to be happier. Happy people tend to be more generous so it creates its own ecosystem. They also found that donating money releases the same neural pathways in our brains that are activated by other pleasure activities such as food, sex, etc. People tend to be more generous when they see other people giving. As Americans, we are the most generous nation on earth. We donate more than $500 billion per year. That is a staggering amount.

Giving also needs to have the right motivation. For example, if we give something expecting something in return it is not really giving. It is just bartering. Giving also should be without pride. If we give with pride that washes away the benefits of giving. Buddha said that having pride in our giving is like eating a feast of a meal with poison sprinkled on it. It does you no good.

Giving for the sake of giving is what we need to learn to practice. When we begin to do that, we do it out of contentment, and as a result, happiness follows.

And we have touched on this before but giving does not mean giving material things only. One can give our time, our skillsets, our compassion and care, our attention, and so forth. Giving away one’s skills and abilities without any thought of return is giving out of compassion. That is what true generosity looks like.

Why is generosity important you might ponder? Generosity by definition diminishes one’s ego. If we cultivate generosity, we will slowly take a stab at reducing our ego.

One thing to keep in mind is that we should only give away all of our possessions when the time is right. If we give away everything that we have, we won’t be able to function and help people in need for a long time. So one way to practice giving is to mentally dedicate all of our possessions for the benefit of others and then physically give them away when it is most appropriate. This is similar to nonprofit organizations that keep funds in the reserve and do not spend every donation they get right away.

The amount of merit we receive by giving also depends upon the nature of the recipient. If we give to spiritual causes or to our parents or to people who are sick and poor, we accumulate more merit.

The next type of giving is giving Dharma. When we teach someone spirituality with the right motivation, we are accumulating merits of giving Dharma. This is much more beneficial than giving material things because material things help someone in this lifetime but spirituality helps them in this lifetime as well as in future lives. If we are not able to teach another way to accumulate merits of giving Dharma is dedicating our virtues to peace and happiness of all living beings.

The last type of giving is giving fearlessness. To give fearlessness is to protect other living beings from fear or danger. This can come in many forms. For example, if we rescue someone from a fire, or natural disaster, or protect them from physical violence, this is all types of giving fearlessness. Our first responders who do this on a daily basis are accumulating tremendous amounts of merit. If this is not possible for us to do, we can still accumulate merits of giving fearlessness by praying for those in danger.

I hope this inspires you to practice giving on a regular basis and not just one day a year!

Peer Pressure

When adults do it, we call it keeping up with joneses and when kids fall for it, we call it peer pressure. Either way, it is one of those traps that can suck one into a downward spiral. So today, let’s discuss peer pressure and how best to navigate it. I read about a story where in our local school district, kids are involved in this TikTok challenge where they steal toilet paper from the school restrooms or otherwise destroy the restroom and put a picture on TikTok. How crazy is that?

Peer pressure is nothing new. And there is nothing wrong with hanging out with friends who are trying out different things. It becomes a problem when we allow their behavior to influence our decisions. For teenagers, this is especially difficult. They are trying to get acceptance from their peers and be part of the “cool” group if you will. This is the same for adults when otherwise rational people try to keep up with the lifestyle of their peers. It all comes down to who we are as people and if we are comfortable in our skin. If we are happy with who we are, we will never try to impress other people. And this is the rub really. Most people are trying for approval from external sources. We look for validation from our colleagues and friends of the choices we make for ourselves.

Psychologists say that people overspend beyond their means just to impress other people or to fill a void within themselves. In a consumption economy, we are actually encouraging this behavior by making credit easily available to anyone and everyone without regard to the ability to pay back. A lot of these material items are flashed as a signal of wealth instead of a signal of debt.

I had an interesting conversation with my cousin a few years ago. She was visiting from India and we were chatting and she asked how come a lot of minimum wage employees were able to afford the latest iPhone. It was a great question. I explained to her that when people buy these items, they are not looking at the cost of the product but the monthly payment. Can they afford that additional $20 monthly payment, then they buy it without concern about savings or anything else. I have nothing again taking on debt for appreciating assets such as a home but when one takes on debt to pay for consumables where value deteriorates within the first few months, you are just taking the unnecessary financial burden.

This is purely a psychological issue rather than a financial education issue. People want to keep up with those around them and impress them so they splurge without regard to their own financial situation.

So how do we get out of this cycle of comparison? The first thing to realize is that happiness comes from within. No matter the external conditions, if we are content with who we are and what we have, we will not need external stimuli for our happiness. One way to develop this state of mind is through meditation. Create a daily meditation practice with an emphasis on “I have everything that I need at this moment”. Another way is to develop a gratitude practice. Be thankful for what you have and that brings contentment which leads to happiness. We have talked about both of these at length in the past. I encourage you to review our Gratitude episode as well as the Contentment episode on the YouTube channel.

The next thing you can try is to figure what your value is. If someone drives a fancy car, do you value the car or is it just for show? Once you know your values you will stop competing and that is when you will begin to see changes. It also helps when you stop following influencers on social media. They are there to paddle consumables. It is their job but that does not mean that we have to follow them. And most important thing is to realize that self-worth has no relation to material worth. They are completely detached from each other.

Once you implement some of the solutions outlined here, you will begin to feel change where you can still hang out with your friends without being in need to compare your lifestyle with theirs. I hope this is helpful in some way to you or someone you love. One thing I would strongly suggest is to instill these values in our kids at an early age. The Sooner they realize they don’t need to do anything to impress someone else, the better off they will be in their lives.

Why Me?

Have you noticed some people always ask Why Me? I was reading an article about some royalty somewhere—we shall not name names—and noticed that they were complaining about how they were getting attention in the media while appearing for a media interview! Now, these people have everything one could ask for. They were born with a silver spoon in their mouth—literally! I bet a majority of the people in this world would happily swap places with them. Even then, they thought they had this miserable life and anything that went wrong was a direct result of someone else’s action. So today, I want to talk about this victim mindset and how that is detrimental to our health and our progress.

People who have a victim mindset always have this scarcity mindset. They always feel that they have to compete for everything and with everyone. Some people wake up in the morning and are looking for things and others are to blame. That is no way to live a life. Let me tell you an interesting story. About 20 years ago, a good friend of ours was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Once we found out, I would call and talk to him every week just to have a conversation and cheer him up if you will. He was in an amazing state of mind. During one of those conversations, I casually asked if he thought if this had anything to do with the type of place he was working at. What he said was so profound, it stayed with him to date. He said, why not me? Why am I so special that a disease will skip me? He went on to say that he never complained and asked “why me” when things were going great. I had a newfound respect for my friend. You see he accepted life as it came. There was no complaining or looking for blame or anything like that. Not trying to figure out why let alone why me.

People with a victim mindset on the other hand try to blame other people for their own problems. They also tend to feel sorry for themselves. They have a negative attitude about almost every situation they come across. Because of this negativity, they some to attract people with a similar mindset so which creates its own downward spiral. In general, they don’t take responsibility for their actions. People with a victim mindset develop a setup of negative behaviors that are difficult to turn around. For example, they believe their life is somehow harder than everyone else’s and they always are looking for pity. They are pessimistic in nature and are risk-averse. They have this sense of entitlement.

Sometimes politicians are promoting a victim mindset because that is a lot easier than actually solving their problems. It’s always easy to throw money at a problem than to actually solve the problem. If one persists with a victim mindset, they may end up with permanent guilt or even depression. They may become resentful of other people and develop a tendency to thrive on drama.

Good thing there is hope. The best way to help people with a victim mindset is to show the power of generosity. If they begin to practice generosity, their ego will diminish and will allow them to see the bigger picture. Another antidote is gratitude. A gratitude mindset created an abundance mindset which is exactly the opposite of a victim mindset. If they begin to develop a gratitude mindset, eventually they will see the abundance and positivity in their lives. It is not easy to change someone who has developed a victim mindset but with a few months of gratitude practice along with generosity, you will begin to real results.

Greed

Let’s talk about something that all of us are guilty of at some point or another. Greed. It is easy to sneak in and hard to get rid of. Remember Gordon Gekko from the famous movie Wall Street? He glorified Greed. I remember the dialog which goes Greed is Good.

Greed has sipped into our society so much that no one thinks it is bad anymore. We put greedy people on a pedestal and give them the highest of regards. Our best and brightest want to work for wall street and law firms as opposed to go invent the next best thing or cure cancer or help humanity.

We live in a society where everyone is fleshing their possessions on social media like it is some type of competition. When did living become an Olympic sport? We all are chasing this elusive dream that if only we had a little more we would be just fine. Growing up I heard this story that I am sure you all may have heard it. There is this guy who goes to the King. He says, I am measurable and I would like to live comfortably. King was generous so he said fine, I will give you a piece of land. The guy said how big? The King goes, as much as you can take. You start when the sun rises at a specific point. You start walking. The only condition is that you must come back to the same point before the sunsets. All the land you cover during that time is yours forever. The guy was really excited. He was all ready to go come sunrise. He started walking. He was covering good ground. By the lunchtime came about, he thought of stopping for lunch but told himself he could skip lunch one day. The more time he spent walking, the more land he would get. So he keeps walking. By around 2 pm he was really tired. He slowed down. But he did want to stop. He thought he should start walking towards the original point but decided to continue instead to make sure he could cover more ground. He keeps walking and all of a sudden it is 4 pm. Now it is really getting late. So he began to walk back towards the original point. He realized he may not make it back so he started to run. He kept running it was a few minutes before sunset. He could see the origin point. It was all within his grasp. He was going to be rich with all this land in his name. But he was tired. He could not even walk let alone run. He was dragging himself. Out of energy. As the sun was going down, he fell down and stretched his hand. He was maybe a foot short and the sunset. He could not make it. He died on the spot. All he needed was six feet of land for his burial. Greed made him lose his life.

Why do we become greedy? Greed comes from our burning desire for something. We get greedy because we think those things will provide us long-lasting happiness. But the goalpost keeps moving. What you think would give you long-lasting happiness keeps changing with every passing moment. Once we achieve what we set out to achieve, we may get temporary satisfaction but not lasting happiness. Our goals will change again and we will start chasing again. Greedy people are never content with what they have. Greed also shows up as a lack of generosity and compassion towards others.

Let me give you an example. I am sure you have heard this animal rescue advertisement on TV with Sarah Mclaughlin’s song in the background. I was in a seminar with the guy who started that foundation. He has since passed. He told me he was so smart that he started this non-profit foundation and he had his own business that had a contract with the non-profit to provide T-Shirts and other things to non-profit at an inflated price. He thought he was a genius taking money from people in the name of charity and benefiting himself. When that becomes a badge of honor, something is wrong with our society.

Let me give you another example. Someone called me up recently about some advice. I asked him what he was trying to achieve. He said his goal was to make $8,000 per day. So I asked him a few questions and realized that he was making a decent living. So I told him, why he was putting so much pressure on himself when he was making a decent living and most people would love to be in his situation. I said why not enjoy the remaining time he had with his family rather than chasing this elusive $8,000 per day goal. He said my wife and parents are saying the same thing. I was like, maybe you should listen to her! Anyway, towards the end, I suggested that he should not chase this and just be happy with what he had. So he said, Nirav, I can teach you how to make $8,000 per day! See, he did not listen to a word I was saying. Here I was trying to get him off this drug called greed and he was trying to get me hooked!

It is very difficult to get rid of greed. But fortunately, there is hope. The antidote to Greed is Generosity. More generous we are – with our possessions, our time, etc.; less greedy we will be. We have talked about generosity in the past. I strongly suggest you go back and read the generosity blog or the generosity video on our YouTube channel.

Have you ever seen when you do a good deed something good happens to you? That is the benefit of generosity. Today I want to focus on this unique quality of generosity. There are actually three kinds of generosities. The beggarly kind, the friendly kind, and the princely kind. Let’s look at each one of them individually. The beggarly kind generosity is when one gives away the things that they do not need anyway. This is similar to when we give away old clothes to Goodwill. Nothing wrong with it but not really generous per se.

The friendly kind generosity is when we share the bounty that is given to us. We share it with people who we come across we share it with people who we see are in need. We keep some and give some away. This is what most people practice.

The princely kind is a rare breed. It is when we give away more than we keep. We keep less than what we need.

I saw an interesting research piece from the John Templeton Foundation on generosity. They found that people who give on their own accord, tend to be happier. Happy people tend to be more generous so it creates its own ecosystem. They also found that donating money releases the same neural pathways in our brain that are activated by other pleasure activities such as food, sex, etc. People tend to be more generous when they see other people giving. As Americans we are the most generous nation on earth. We donate more than $500 billion per year. That is a staggering amount.

Giving also needs to have the right motivation. For example, if we give something expecting something in return it is not really giving. It is just bartering. Giving also should be without pride. If we give with pride that washes away the benefits of giving. Buddha said that having pride for our giving is like eating a feast of a meal with poison sprinkled on it. It does you no good.

Giving for the sake of giving is what we need to learn to practice. When we begin to that, we do it out of contentment, and as a result, happiness follows.

And we have touched on this before but giving does not mean giving material things only. One can give our time, our skillsets, our compassion and care, our attention, and so forth. Giving away one’s skill and abilities without any thought of return is giving out of compassion. That is what true generosity looks like.

There is a lot of aid by governmental and quasi-governmental agencies nowadays. That is not really giving because people who are doling out the aid are not doing it out of compassion for the most part but they are just doing a job they are getting paid to do.

Why is generosity important you might ponder? Generosity by definition diminishes one’s ego. If we cultivate generosity, we will slowly take a stab at reducing our ego. Reducing ego is the first step towards experiencing emptiness – it is a very deep topic we will cover in a few months.