Over the past couple of years, we have talked about the need to diminish our ego on and off. I thought today, we dedicate an entire episode to the ego. Before we talk about keeping our ego in check, we need to figure out how to know we have an ego problem. Now some people confuse ego with self-confidence. And there is a fine line between the two. So let’s start there.
What are the telltale signs of ego being mistaken as self-confidence? There are people who will listen to your point of view but will not put that into action. When we listen to a different point of view and seriously evaluate our position to see if our position needs to be modified, that is a sign of maturity. Changing our minds does not mean we lack self-confidence. Another sign is the lack of a feedback mechanism. If we are not prepared to get feedback upon completion means that we are not prepared to improve our processes. And this means self-criticism as well. It is important to review once a task is complete and to learn from it. I truly believe that everything can be improved and if we don’t have that attitude we will keep producing mediocre results. Another sign is that people say no to any new idea as soon as they hear it before they evaluate it. Their default answer seems to be NO. When a default answer is NO, you know that ego is taking over the person.
Now, look at some other signs that tell that you have an ego problem. One sign is that you compare yourself with everyone. If you cannot enjoy someone else’s success, you have an ego problem. Another sign is that you lack gratitude. We have talked about this before that gratitude helps diminishes our ego. Another sign of people with ego problems is that they take credit for other people’s work. They will somehow insert themselves into someone else’s success and make it all about how they made this happen! Another sign is that you are always blaming someone else when things go wrong.
Now that we have identified some of the signs of ego problems, hopefully, we will keep an eye out for some of these things flaring up in our day-to-day life. But it is not enough to identify our ego problem, we need to do something about it.
There are a number of things we can do to keep our ego in check. One way to do this is not to take anything personally. If you let whatever is said or done to you at face value without taking it personally, it helps keep your ego in control. For example, if someone says something about our work that is negative, instead of taking it personally, if you realize that they are just being negative about the process or the product and no matter who was at this end you or someone else, they would be equally negative, you help keep the ego in check. I know it takes conscious effort because the response from the ego tends to be instant and automatic. This is where our mindfulness comes in handy.
Creating gratitude practice also is very important. It helps us thank people who do the smallest of things for us. It also helps us be thankful for things in our lives. Another way to help keep the ego in check is to know that you are not the best at everything. For most things you do, there is always someone who can do it just a little bit better. If we keep that in mind, it will help us keep our egos in check.
Eckhart Tolle said something interesting. He says the way to control ego is to go to that place within you that is still. Meaning no thoughts just consciousness. In other words, meditation! He recommends this practice when someone says something that is offensive or hurts your ego, just do nothing. If you do nothing and provide no response, your ego diminishes.
One thing I think helps above all others is to be mindful. If we are mindful of what we say, what we think, we can easily identify our ego problems and keep that in check. I was one of those people who had an ego the size of Texas. Although I have made some progress, it is a constant battle. One thing we must realize is that ego is a never-ending problem. We must keep looking out for our ego to flare up constantly because it will show up just when we let our guard down! It does become easier over time for sure to identify ego flaring up on the fly. But that takes a lot of practice.
I hope this helps with your day-to-day life in keeps your ego in check.