Moral Discipline

In the past, we briefly touched on the six perfections. Six perfections are the guide to living a life on the right path the path that leads to enlightenment. Now that is a tall order for sure but practicing these six perfections would certainly make our daily lives joyful and would bring joy to people around us. So today, let’s talk about the perfection of moral discipline.

In “The Boddhisattva Vow” Geshe Kelsang Gyatso defines moral discipline as a virtuous mental determination to abandon any fault or any action that is motivated by such a determination. That’s it. It is that simple. If we know something is wrong and we make a determination to avoid that, and follow through with it, we are practicing moral discipline.

There are three types of moral discipline; 1) the moral discipline of restraint; 2) the moral discipline of generating virtuous karma; 3) the moral discipline of benefiting other living beings.

Let’s look at each one in detail. The moral discipline of restraint is abstaining from non-virtuous acts. You see to practice this type of moral discipline we first need to understand the dangers of committing negative actions, make a promise to abandon such negative actions, and then follow through on it. Simply not doing something without knowing that it is wrong is not moral discipline. For example, a two-year-old does not know that killing is bad. If they abstain from killing they are not practicing moral discipline. Now, on the other hand, a five-year-old knows killing is bad and then avoids killing ants, they are practicing moral discipline. So if we understand the dangers of ten non-virtuous actions that we have talked about at length during our karma series, promise to refrain from them, and then follow through on that promise, we are practicing the moral discipline of restraint. If we are not ready to abandon all of the negative actions at once, we can take a vow to refrain from one particular type of non-virtuous action for a certain period. Once we keep that promise, we can increase the duration of our promise for a longer time in the next iteration.

To practice this, we need to rely upon our M A C technique. We need to be mindful so we don’t forget our vows. We need to stay alert so that when delusions crop up, we can use our conscientiousness to avoid non-virtuous actions.

Next is the moral discipline of generating virtuous karma. To me, this is easier than the first one but like anything else depending upon our own karma we find one type of moral discipline easier than the other. In this moral discipline, we need to try and generate virtuous karma. Again, it is important to be mindful of what it is that we are doing for that to be considered moral discipline. I am sure there are some benefits of accidental positive karma but positive karma created by mindfulness had the full effect if you will.

The last type of moral discipline is of benefiting living beings. This is the moral discipline of helping others in whatever way that we can. We can offer material help if someone needs it or we can offer advice to them if they are going through a difficult stage in their life or we can teach them dharma or we can pray for them at a minimum. When we help others, we should be sensitive to their needs, state of mind, experience, and point of view. If we come down as Hollier than thou, no matter how good the advice may be, they are not likely to follow it and we are not doing good to anyone.

There is an interesting story of a Tibetan monk. He had a good size following and one day he was giving teaching from a throne to a few hundred followers. There was this lady in the village whose daughter was sick and someone told her that if she put the daughter in the monk’s care, that would save her daughter. So the lady takes a few-month-old daughter in a basket to the monk when he was giving a lecture and said out loud, here keep your daughter. She is your daughter so you raise her. Then she quietly told the monk to save her daughter. Monk just nodded and took the baby in his lap and continued with his teaching. Over the next few years, he raised this baby like she was his own. Once the lady realized that her daughter was healthy she came back to pick her up. Now talk about the moral discipline of helping living beings! Most people would have worried about their reputation and whatnot. Not this monk. He wanted to help and realized that if he challenged the lady, he would not be able to help the baby.

I know none of us are monks but if we apply some of these teachings at a small level in our lives; the world would be a better place.

Financial Uncertainties Got You Down?

I was talking to a group of people who are in the mortgage business over the weekend. This is one of the most stressful times for this group in the past 13 years. Most of them earn their money on the commission they make from loan origination. As you can imagine, loan originations have come to a screeching halt in the past four months. This uncertainty about the future is creating a lot of anxiety—which is natural. So I thought how about we discuss how we can embrace these uncertain times and see what kind of possibilities might open up? Let’s dig in.

Let’s face it. There is comfort in certainty. We as human beings love routines. It gives us this sense of security. You see our brains have a bias against change. Change means things can get worse—it could get better but there is a possibility that it could get worse. This means there is a possibility of a painful experience. No matter how small that possibility might be, from our caveman days, we have wired our brains to avoid pain at all costs. That means regardless of the potential for upside, our brain will try to avoid uncertainty.

When we start living by avoiding all uncertainty, we tend to isolate ourselves from the world. This creates its own set of problems. Sometimes, people start on a negative feedback loop and create mental health issues for themselves. I am sure you know someone in your life who is in a job they absolutely hate. They have told you that in that many words. They have been complaining about it for years. However, they feel that a change of job is uncertain and would not pull the trigger. For them, it is the choice between the devil you know versus the unknown. If instead, they develop the courage to embrace the uncertainty, they may find there indeed are greener pastures on the other side. In these times of uncertainty, it may be time to look for what else is out there. Although, it is tough for someone in the mortgage business to manage finances arguably this is the best job market to be looking for a job in multi-generations.

There are a number of things we need to adopt in order to embrace uncertainty. First thing is to realize that there is no such thing as a certainty. We talked about this before and the only constant in life is change. Similarly, the only thing certain in life is uncertainty. The sooner we accept this, the better we will be. Once we embrace the uncertainties in life, we will be able to see opportunities that present us. I was recently talking to a retail day trader. Quite possibly, he is the most successful retail day trader in history. He has had days better than Goldman Sachs on occasion! I asked him what he thought made him successful when 98% of the people who try end up failing. He said something interesting. He said he never goes into a day expecting something from the market. He said I am here for what the market has to offer. I don’t hope for the market to go one way or another. Now here is the guy who has truly embraced uncertainty.

You see when we stop hoping for things, we are embracing uncertainty. This leads us to become excited about possibilities. When you don’t know what is coming and have embraced it, all of a sudden you have a kid’s curious mind. You are now wondering what will happen instead of hoping for a particular outcome.

Embracing uncertainty also allows us to learn more about the fear within. It allows us to learn about who we really are. But embracing uncertainty and thriving in uncertainty is not a quick thing. It happens over time. It actually is a process where we learn how to avoid judging ourselves.

When we embrace uncertainty, we are accepting the fact that we don’t have all the answers. That is such a liberating feeling. It also helps us find better ways. Now that we accepted our ignorance, it allows us to ask questions and find answers. We tend to throw a wider net when we know we don’t have the answers. This broadens our horizons.

I strongly encourage all of you to embrace uncertainty. You will be amazed by the change for the better.

Is Money A Drug?

I was on a long flight recently. On the flight, I decided to watch a documentary about how sugar is addictive and how it is a drug stronger than hard drugs such as cocaine. They were showing how when they gave more sugar to rats in the experiments, the rats got used to the sugar and they needed more and more doses for their brains to show signs of excitement. That got me thinking—does money have the same effect on people?

I mean think about it. When one does not have money, one would get excited about $100. Look at your college days. I remember I used to get excited about a free T-Shirt for filling out credit card forms! As you accumulate more wealth, that excitement does not last anymore. One needs more money to get excited as one makes more money. I am sure at your first job, you were thrilled with a $ 2-an-hour wage increase. If someone offered you that at the peak of your career you will consider that an insult right? What changed? $2 per hour is still $2 per hour. The value of $2 for you changed when you started making more money.

So I started to research this topic for this episode. It turns out there is some interesting research on the topic. One I found most interesting was from the University of Minnesota study in China. They gave a group of students money count and other students just paper to count. After the counting was over, they asked them to put their fingers into a bowl with 122-degree hot water. The group that counted the money before did not find any discomfort in the hot water! This was a similar result to when people had their loved ones next to them when dipping their fingers into hot water. So our brain equates money to love. Go figure…

So if money is a drug, can it be addictive? It sure can. An interesting thing is that there are some obvious signs such as gambling or indulgence in luxury items that you may not be able to afford. But here is something I learned that was unexpected. It turns out that excessive saving habits can be a form of money addiction. It turns out that people who save excessively tend to believe that more money will bring more happiness and they don’t think it is ever enough no matter the size of their savings account.

According to Kabir Sehgal, author of the book Coined, the effect of money on your brain is similar to that of cocaine.

Neuroeconomists—I didn’t know there was such a thing—have performed several brain scans on individuals who were about to make money, and the results were staggering, says Sehgal. The studies show that these people had the same neurological response to making money in their “pleasure centers” as someone high on cocaine.

Money is a powerful addiction and creates good feelings when you get it and bad feelings when you lose it. Here is the difference between money and hard drugs. Cocaine, heroin, and crack will kill you if you do too much, but not money. Money won’t harm physically you. But it will destroy your mental peace just as any other addiction would.  

So how do you make sure you get your mental peace back if you think you may be on money drugs? Of course, the first thing to do is realize that it may be a problem. And that it is unhealthy if you are thinking about money all the time.

After that, it is important to realize that it is our attachment to money that drives our addiction to money. So the easiest thing in my opinion is to try and reduce our attachment. One good way to remove attachment is to start giving away money. Make a habit of giving away 10% of what you make to a good cause. When you begin to give away money, usually you will do it to causes that you feel strongly about and you think are worthy. That creates a state of compassion in our minds. That coupled with the generosity you demonstrate by giving money away reduces the attachment towards money.

Please realize, I am not saying money is bad. I am just saying excessive concern about money is not healthy. And when I look around, it seems that more and more people are giving more and more attention to money than ever before. We need to change that for the mental health of our society.

Why Meditate?

I was at a party over the weekend. During our idle chatter, someone asked me why I meditate and what is the purpose. They continued if that brings 10 minutes of peace in one’s day. I thought it’s been a while since we looked at why we are getting together every Tuesday so it would be nice to look at that again. Surely, we want to find that peace within us on a daily basis for however long that we can find it. But the purpose of practice is never the practice.

What do I mean by that? Let’s say you decide to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. Now unless you are used to climbing fourteeners, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro is no small feat. Especially, on the last day. The first few days it is relatively easy but on the last day, you are supposed to start climbing around 9 or 10 pm. You will reach the peak just around dawn. You take a few pictures and then continue with the descent for about four hours or so before getting to a camp. This is not an easy day for anybody. You will be essentially on your feet for 10 hours or so. In this case, you will start conditioning your body before you head out to Tanzania. You begin a daily exercise routine and probably weekly climbing practice. The purpose of this conditioning is not to get good at conditioning but to prepare yourself for the climb on Mount Kilimanjaro.

Our daily meditation practice is supposed to condition us for our daily worldly activities. For example, let’s say you buy a 10,000-piece Lego puzzle. That’s a lot of pieces and would take you a few days to complete for sure. Now you begin to organize your pieces in different piles first. Then you begin to build the puzzle. You spend say 30 minutes doing this. If you spend the next 23 ½ hours breaking what you have already built and mixing all the pieces you had separated what is the result? The next day, you will have a bigger challenge on your hand.

So when we meditate, we are trying to find that peace within us for sure. The bigger purpose however is to make sure that we carry that with us throughout the rest of our day. We want to be centered no matter what life throws at us. That is the real purpose of our meditation. Getting grounded within ourselves. If during our meditation practice say you had a rough time concentrating on a particular day. But after meditation is complete, you can be kind and loving towards everyone you come across. That is a successful mediation session. On the other hand, if you had a peaceful meditation where you came close to enlightenment but after the meditation session you have difficulty showing compassion towards anyone, that was an unsuccessful meditation session.

And of course, there are actual health benefits of meditation that we have discussed before. They include reduced stress, lower anxiety, improved self-awareness, and so on. In a nutshell, meditation leads to a peaceful mind. It puts us in a relaxed state of being both physically and mentally.

Before we begin our meditation I just want to remind everyone about the 10 x 10 practice we have discussed in the past. Try to take 10 deep breaths approx. 10 times every day. Each breath comes from your diaphragm. Put your hand on your stomach. As you breathe, your stomach should expand. So take a deep inhalation. You will feel your stomach expand. When you exhale, you deflate your stomach – they say to try to reach your spinal cord with your stomach.

Even if you are in the middle of a project, just stop and take 10 deep breaths. You can do this every hour – the easiest way to do this is to put an alarm on your phone so you have a reminder. When you take these breaths, be sure to focus on the sensation of your breath in your nostrils. I believe this will help you calm down in the middle of the day and will bring you can to your center if you are having a difficult day.

Being Mindful

It’s been a while since we talked about mindfulness. I thought we will revisit this topic a little more in-depth today. It seems to me that so much of our life happens in autopilot mode. We seem to be reacting more than making conscious choices more often than not. Let’s first look at what is mindfulness. In the simplest terms, mindfulness is being aware of our mind from moment to moment. It means being fully present in the moment – whatever that moment happens to be.

What does it mean to be mindful you may ask? Being mindful means being aware of our experiences, our thoughts, our senses, our emotions, and so forth. You know the age-old saying stop and smell the roses? The Smelling of roses is being mindful. If you are aware of your mind, your thoughts will not control you.

And here is an interesting point. If we are mindful, we are more relaxed. I know it sounds counterintuitive but when we pay attention to our inner workings, our body tends to get into a relaxed state of being. Our mind is relaxed and overall we feel lighter.

When we are being mindful, we are in present as opposed to dwelling on the past or thinking about the future. If we think about it, all of our delusions come from either dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. When we are doing that, we are paying inappropriate attention to our uncontrolled thoughts. Mindfulness is about here and now.

Mindfulness encompasses two key ingredients: awareness and acceptance. Awareness is the knowledge and ability to focus attention on one’s inner processes and experiences, such as the experience of the present moment. Acceptance is the ability to observe and accept—rather than judge or avoid—those streams of thought.

How do we practice mindfulness? The simplest thing to do is to pay attention. I know, sounds easy right? But for sure not easy to practice. Try to get all your senses involved. Oftentimes, when we eat, for example, we hardly take the time to smell the aroma, before we being to eat. Another way to practice mindfulness is to live in the moment. Enjoy the simple pleasures life has to offer. So often, we are bogged down in chasing one thing or another that we hardly enjoy what is already here. As they say, enjoy the journey, not the destination.

Yet another way to practice mindfulness is to appreciate yourself. I know sounds weird but we must treat ourselves at least as well as treat our best friend. Being non-judgmental is a wonderful way to practice mindfulness. When we are not judging, we are paying attention and when we are paying attention, we are being mindful. Patience is yet another way of practicing mindfulness. Sometimes, things just take more time than we would like. It’s OK. Being curious also helps us be mindful. When we are being curious, we have this fresh energy and we are paying acute attention. We are in the present moment not thinking about the past or the future because we want to learn.

Not striving for more also helps be mindful. You are probably wondering what has that to do with mindfulness. But when we are not striving, we are not in the anticipation of future. That in turn, keeps us in the present. Letting go of the past also helps us be mindful as it prevents us from dwelling on the past. Two other ways to be mindful are my favorites. Gratitude and generosity. When we practice gratitude, we are being mindful. When we practice generosity, we are being mindful as well.

We have discussed a lot of structured ways of practicing mindfulness over the past year including focusing on our breath, M A C meditation, empty sly meditation, savasana meditation, and others.

I think most of you know that mindfulness has several benefits including, lowering stress levels, reducing harmful ruminating, and protecting against depression and anxiety. A Harvard study suggests that mindfulness can help people better cope with rejection and social isolation (https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/less-stress-clearer-thoughts-with-mindfulness-meditation/).

I read somewhere that I thought put it beautifully. Mindfulness is the energy that helps us recognize the conditions of happiness that are already present in our lives. You don’t have to wait ten years to experience this happiness. It is present in every moment of your daily life. There are those of us who are alive but don’t know it. What a wonderful way to express it!

I hear a lot about I am not able to concentrate or I am not able to meditate and thoughts keep coming. I want to assure you that you are making a progress. Every time you notice that your mind wanders off and you try to bring it back, you are getting better at meditation. No matter how many times you have to bring your mind back (initially, it feels like that’s all we are doing), you are making progress. I can assure you it gets easier with practice. If you develop a regular practice say 10 minutes per day, before you know it, you will be able to focus on peace within you.