We all tend to get self-conscious every now and then. So today, I thought we will discuss how to free ourselves from being self-conscious. Let’s begin with why do we get self-conscious? In general, we get self-conscious because we feel people may be judging us or we are worried about how we will be perceived or we worry about upsetting others.
Self-consciousness is a mental state where we are pre-occupied with our self-image. That’s it. There is nothing more mysterious than that. Excessive self-consciousness causes us to be not present in the moment. Because we are thinking about what the other person is thinking of us or if they are judging us. So rather than being fully present in the conversation or the event, we are not participating. We are there but we are not there if you will. Our uncontrolled thoughts have taken over and we are in some distant place.
These uncontrolled thoughts are what Buddha calls delusions. A delusion is a state of mind that arises from inappropriate attention making our mind uncontrolled.
Everywhere we look, our mind is polluted by this surface of self-concern. It just alters everything we see. You know, we can’t actually see what’s going on because we’re so obsessed with ourselves. And that’s just reflected in our mind. So why is it? Why is it that we regard ourselves as so precious, but not others? I am just one person others are countless? Why are we so obsessed with it? Me? Me, me?
One major reason is we’re so familiar with thinking about ourselves, it’s a familiarity of habit.
Gesla says, Why because we’re so familiar with self-cherishing we’re very familiar with an attitude that puts ourselves first. We have been doing it since beginningless time in every life, which is why we’re still circling in suffering. Since beginningless, time we have grasped at a truly existent I this is the root of it. So a truly existent I is an I that exists from its own side.
We think there’s a real me or real I and we think everyone else is not me or either other or self or there are also other or them or you know, him or her or something like that.
Now, let’s talk about what we can do to reduce our self-consciousness in our day to day lives.
There are a number of things we can do. One of them is to stop comparing ourselves with others.
Often we find ourselves comparing ourselves with other people. Deep down all of us know that it is not worth it but we end up doing it anyway. As Teddy Roosevelt said, Comparison is the thief of joy.
To stop comparing ourselves with other people, what we need to realize is that when you are comparing yourself with someone else, you are comparing to their best version if you will. You don’t know what goes on in their life. You know what they have projected outwardly. Sometimes you only know what you see on their social media feed. Trust me, never believe what you see on social media.
If you have to compare, compare yourself to your past self. See where you were and how far you have come. This allows us to realize abundance in our life. It also allows you to realize your own strengths. This will hopefully, make you take actions that speak to your strength as opposed to someone else’s strengths.
Another way to stop yourself from comparing yourself to others is something we have talked about a lot here. We start every session with a gratitude attitude. If you are grateful for what you have and truly practice that, you will not feel the need to compare. Gratitude allows us to be joyful and joyful people tend not to compare themselves with other people.
One other way that helps in this situation is contentment. Again, we have talked about this a lot. If you are content with what you have then there is no reason for comparison. Also, remind yourself that money doesn’t buy happiness it never did and never will.
Another thing that helps with self-consciousness is developing a positive mindset.
Have you noticed that a lot of times when life gives us lemons, we tend to complain about the sourness of those lemons? A very few people are able to make lemonades out of those lemons that life throws at them.
Another helpful thing with self-consciousness is knowing that grass is not always greener on the other side.
What do I mean by that? Well, let’s look at our social media habits to begin with. We start looking at Facebook, Tik-Tok, LinkedIn and whatever else that we spend our time on half our waking hours.
People put exaggerated self of themselves on social media. I saw an interesting post on LinkedIn the other day. It says someone passed their driving test. Now, it is a simple thing and people go through that routinely in their lives. But they post it on LinkedIn something like, I want to thank my parents, my teachers, my friends, for helping me achieve this milestone in my life. I am humbled by the opportunity to perform at this exceptional level and all kind of nonsense like that. Now it is a little over the top but reality is not too far from it.
But that is reality. So don’t believe everything you see and hear. Don’t put people on pedestal based on their personas. You don’t know what goes on in people’s lives.
Another thing that helps with self-consciousness is the fact that we don’t identify with our delusions. In the book How To Transform Your Life, Gesla says that we need to stop identifying with our delusions. Gesla says delusions are distorted conceptual thoughts that arise within the mind like waves on the ocean, just as it is possible for waves to die down, so it is possible for our delusions to end.
Buddha compared our Buddha nature to a golden nugget in the dirt. No matter how disgusting a person’s delusions may be the real nature of them is undefiled like pure gold.
And it all starts with our relationship with ourselves. Our sense of self has to be based on an authentic experience. Our sense of self is based on an authentic understanding of who we are, which is based on this experience of a genuine feeling of peace, even if it’s only relative peace compared to our normal lack of peace. And on that basis, we can become a peaceful people with the potential to grow, the potential to get wiser and freer. I am not a person who hates other people, but I have empathy and love other people, delusions get in the way of me, but they’re not me. I’m a loving person. I’m a compassionate person.