Often we find ourselves comparing ourselves with other people. Deep down all of us know that it is not worth it but we end up doing it anyway. As Teddy Roosevelt said, Comparison is the thief of joy. So today, I thought we would explore why we compare with others and how to stop doing that.
Let’s first look at why we compare ourselves with others. Human beings are comparing themselves since the beginning of time. That is how we create a baseline if you will. One thing however you will notice is that we tend to compare ourselves with people who we think are in the same social circle as we are. This is quite interesting. I have never met anyone who compares themselves with Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos. It is always their friends and their neighbors!
Our brain is hard-wired in a certain way and that is what triggers comparison. It happens within a fraction of a second. To research this material, I ended up speaking with a psychologist friend of mine. He had something interesting thing to say. He believed comparison comes from an inherent sense of inadequacy. Deep down you feel that you are not enough. This sense of inadequacy is usually rooted in our upbringing or some incident that has lived with us for a long time. So if you want to figure out what is going on, next time your comparison anxiety triggers, watch your thoughts and see what is coming up. Often, these thoughts have no basis in truth it is just something we made up but it has been so long that it becomes your truth.
Comparison is not healthy. It can make on anxious and otherwise put you in a negative loop. Once you get into a habit of anxious living, it also begins to affect your relationships. It affects your closest relationships with your loved ones but also your relationship with people you compare yourselves with. You will eventually begin to resent people with who you compare yourselves.
Now that we know where the comparison comes from and what kind of negative effect it can have on our well-being, let’s look at how best to stop comparing yourselves with others. This is the voice within your head if you will. Contrary to what you may have heard, according to my friend, it is good to listen to the voices or thoughts in your head. Once you learn to listen to them, you will know your inner critic. This is the voice that is making you miserable.
The next thing is to realize is that when you are comparing yourself with someone else, you are comparing to their best version if you will. You don’t know what goes on in their life. You know what they have projected outwardly. Sometimes you only know what you see on their social media feed. Trust me, never believe what you see on social media.
If you have to compare, compare yourself to your past self. See where you were and how far you have come. This allows us to realize abundance in our life. It also allows you to realize your own strengths. This will hopefully, make you take actions that speak to your strength as opposed to someone else’s strengths.
Another way to stop yourself from comparing yourself to others is something we have talked about a lot here. We start every session with a gratitude attitude. If you are grateful for what you have and truly practice that, you will not feel the need to compare. Gratitude allows us to be joyful and joyful people tend not to compare themselves with other people.
One other way that helps in this situation is contentment. Again, we have talked about this a lot. If you are content with what you have then there is no reason for comparison. Also, remind yourself that money doesn’t buy happiness it never did and never will.
And the last thing I would say is to stop doing should have, would have, could have. The past is the past. If you feel that you lost opportunities in the past, stop dwelling over those and look for the opportunities that may be in front of you. That is the best way I know how to stop comparing myself with other people.